100+ Poker Cakes & Birthdays ideas | poker cake, poker

Part One
Part Two
The only other place I could think to look for Jerry was our room. I kept my eyes down as I cut through the parlor and great hall. As far as I was concerned, there was no reason to talk to any of these people ever again. I’d socialized enough for one year.
Before I reached the base of the grand staircase, I noticed that the air smelled like sweet tobacco smoke. I soon realized that the smell was coming from the front door. Now that I didn’t have a blade against my face, I could see the situation in front of me with much more clarity. It was obvious where Jerry had disappeared to. All I had to do was follow the smell of smoke. I pushed open the front door right as another crack of lightning filled the night sky.
The thunder ended, followed by a guilty-sounding “Heyyy, buddy.” It was Jerry. He and Tobias looked back at me from the porch railing, both equipped with lit cigars and half-empty glasses. Jerry held up his Montecristo Number Three and said, “It’s not what it looks like.”
“I don’t care.”
“Really?” he said, raising an eyebrow. "I think you do."
"Well, I don't."
"You do a little."
"Nope."
"Okay, agree to disagree then."
“You said you weren’t going to leave me alone.”
“I did say that. But then T-Bone here dropped his wallet. I had to come and give it back to him.”
“Oh, ‘T-Bone’ ‘dropped’ his wallet, did he?”
Tobias flicked his ash over the railing and said, “It must have fallen out of my jacket pocket.”
I was already over this conversation. “Tobias, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need a moment alone with Jerry.”
“Sure. Go ahead. I’ll stay out here.”
“Actually, we’re going to need the patio to ourselves.”
He sipped his drink, darted his eyes back and forth between Jerry and me, then said, “Is this something time-sensitive? I’m only asking because I just lit this, and--”
I switched tactics. “Your wife was looking for you, Tobias.”
“Bridget’s looking for me? Why?”
“She spilt jam on her dress.”
“Jam?” Tobias asked incredulously.
“Yep,” I confirmed. “Jam. All over her dress. Just….all over it.”
“I didn’t even know they had jam in there.”
“Well, they don’t anymore.”
“So you’re saying--just so I understand the situation--not only did Bridget spill jam on her dress, but she somehow managed to spill the entire party’s supply of jam… on her dress?”
Jeez, what is this guy? The jam police? Jerry cleared his throat abruptly. It sounded an awful lot like a snicker he couldn’t hold back.
“Look, dude. I don’t know what to tell you. But I promise I would never lie about something like this. Your wife was devastated. She was crying and everything. Asked me to go find you.”
He cocked his head slightly and gave me a long, uncomfortable glare until Jerry stepped in. “Don’t worry T-Bone,” he said. “I’ll keep your cigar warm for you.”
Tobias finally surrendered. “Okay. I guess I’d better go make sure everything’s alright.” With that, he handed Jerry his cigar and walked past me.
The moment the door closed, Jerry asked, “Do you think I’d look good with a mullet?”
“No, of course not. Now shut up for a second and listen. I have a very serious question. Is there any chance you somehow orchestrated all of this as an extremely elaborate hoax just to give me a perverted sense of misadventure? Because if that’s the case, I really appreciate the impressive effort but would like to opt out now.”
“No, but damn that would have been a good idea! I’ll have to remember it for your birthday.”
“Please don’t. We need to leave. Pronto.”
He carefully placed Tobias’s cigar next to his own in the ashtray on the table by the railing. He didn’t have nearly the appropriate sense of urgency. With a smirk, he asked, “Did something ominous just happen?”
“The lady with the kleptomaniacal tween son knows my name. She said my luggage showed up in her room.”
“Well that’s convenient. And also quite alarming. Thank you for confiding in me.”
“Jerry, listen! While we were getting ready, somebody went out in the rain, found our car, broke in, packed a mother-flippin bag, and brought it back to the manor. Why would anyone do something like that?”
He leaned against the railing, put on his thinking face, and mulled it over for a few seconds before responding. “It must be because you said you needed your medicine in order to stay the night. So… That means two things. First, someone must not want us to have any reason to leave here tonight. And second… someone was watching us.”
“Great. Our room is bugged. I guess I can assume they have videos of me in the shower.”
“Oh.” Jerry’s eyes got alarmingly wide.
“What?”
“I think I know what’s going on here.”
“What?”
“Yeah, that’s definitely it.”
“What?”
“You’re not going to like it.”
“What?”
He cleared his throat, looked me dead in the eyes, and said, “I think we just stumbled into a sex cult.”
I waited for just a moment, as to not sound like a broken record. Then, “What?!”
“Think about it.”
“I will do no such thing, and you can’t make me!”
He lifted the glass to his mouth, but I slapped it out of his hand before he could take another drink. It shattered against the porch. “Hey!” he snapped.
“That could be poison for all we know!”
“Oh yeah,” he laughed. “Now that you mention it, it probably is.”
“Well? What are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
“Okay, yes, but, no.”
“Jerry, I’m not playing around. I’ve seen this movie. I know how it ends. If we go back inside--”
“I hear ya, but let’s think this through.” His voice was annoyingly calm and level. “First of all, we can’t leave without your medicine, and I think they know that. Oh, they probably want to use you as some kind of virgin sacrifice to a Norse fertility god.”
“Why would they--”
“Additionally, you and I probably aren’t the only strangers in a strange land, if you know what I mean. What about the other guests? Either they’re all complicit in the grand strategy to keep us here...”
He was making a lot of sense, and I hated it. I let out a frustrated sigh, then finished his thought, “...or there are other victims we’d be abandoning if we left right now.”
“We just need a plan. Here’s what I think we should do: One of us goes and causes a distraction in the parlor, preferably fire-related, while the other sneaks downstairs to the basement and uses the phone to call for help.”
“That’s the plan?!” I couldn’t hide my apprehension, nor did I feel the need to try. “We’re going to ‘split up, gang’?! How many times--”
The front door opened. A second later, Bridget’s head peered out. She looked around, then said, “Oh. I thought Tobias was out here. Have either of you seen him?”
I searched for a good lie, but all I could come up with was, “Tobias spilt jam all over his trousers. Just... all over them. He went to your room to change.”
She narrowed her eyes at me, slowly backed into the house, and closed the door.
That was a close one.
As usual, the least-bad plan we could come up with was still pretty darn bad. Dividing up tasks was easy. While I’m rarely the sneakiest person in the room, distractions were undeniably Jerry’s bread and butter.
I never count on everything going according to plan, but I was still surprised by just how quickly things went off the rails. As soon as we shut the front door behind us, Maggie popped up out of nowhere to say that dinner was ready and our presence was required. She then herded us into the dining room, where the rest of the guests were gathered around a long wooden table, chatting, laughing, and enjoying their drinks. The immediate silence that occurred when we entered may as well have been accompanied by a record scratching to a stop.
Jerry whispered, “Is it just me, or do things feel a little hostile right now?”
Tobias and Bridget had that oh-so-unique look of “why’d you lie to me about jam?” on their faces. Just… all over their faces. Hope shook her head and folded her arms at the annoying guy who rudely walked away from her mid-sentence. Loren made a subtle but threatening gesture of running her thumb across her neck. Even Old Man Nathaniel Whatshisname the Third had turned to face us, making a toasting gesture with the glass of brandy that someone else must have gotten him after I said I would and bailed. That’s when it occurred to me that I’d already managed to piss off every other group here.
Maggie stood in the doorway as we took our spots at the dinner table. Jerry sat to my right (protecting me from the blind man). Loren sat to my left (protecting Claire from me). The rest of the group took the other side, with Wolfgang my direct opposite. Nobody took the empty seat at the head of the table.
I was still trying to work out how we were going to cause a distraction when Jerry made things weird. “Before we begin,” he announced, pushing back his seat and standing up, “I believe it would be a good idea to say a few words of grace to our lord and savior.”
“I beg your pardon?” said Maggie.
“My pardon I grant thee,” he replied with a wave of his hand. “And now, if you would all be so kind as to close your eyes and bow your heads, I will deliver the most amazing prayer of thanks this side of the BC/AD conversion.” After a few uncomfortable seconds had passed, he repeated himself, a little louder and a little more forcefully. “Please close your eyes and bow your heads.” Everyone else reluctantly followed his command. Everyone but me.
I held out my hands and mouthed the words “What the fuck?” He began speaking… praying while gesturing wildly at the door.
“Dearest lord: Hi! It’s me, Jerry. We met at Vassar College that one time I did too many psychedelics and you told me birds weren’t real… Anyway, I know it’s been a while since we last spake... Sorry about that. Things have been wild. We come to you today to thank you for this presumably delicious meal we’re about to chow up, but first… I’d like to spend a moment catching up...”
It finally hit me. Nobody was looking. This was the distraction.
I carefully scooted my chair back and pushed myself to my feet. I’d have to sneak around a few people, but barring a stumble or surprise sneeze, this was totally doable. Knowing Jerry, he’d have everyone singing along to “Amazing Grace” by the time I made my call to the local police and got back to the table.
I tried to tune him out while focusing on my escape, but some of his words still broke through.
“...because when you think about it, that’s what tattoos are for. But I digress, we come to you today to thank you for the food. And drink (heyo!). And also to thank you for this wonderful lodging. And the company we have here today. And, um, the chairs. And table. And the rest of the furniture. And…”
I held my breath as I stepped past Loren. She was the one I was most afraid of, but her head was down and eyes closed just like all of the others. As soon as I thought I was out of the woods, a hand popped out, blocking my path. It was Claire’s. And it was holding a folded note. The side facing me read, “JACK.”
I hesitated.
“...and when we think of the food we’re about to put inside of us, we are all reminded of the struggles that Jesus went through when he gave up sex for forty days. I once tried to go forty days without cupcakes. I didn’t even make it a week. Which is weird because I actually despise cupcakes…”
Claire flicked the note twice. Her eyes were closed, but I knew she knew I was here. There was no point pretending. I reached down and took the paper from her fingers. She quickly retracted her hand, putting it against her other into the sign of prayer in front of her face.
This was no time to stop and read. I kept on walking. The doorway was right there. Maggie stood in front of it, face aimed down at her feet. Eyes pressed shut. I could sneak around her, but I couldn’t rush it if I didn’t want to be noticed. I had to focus on not making a sound.
“...and the plesiosaurs. And the helicoprion. And let us not forget the gigantoraptor. Anyway, in conclusion, thanks again for wiping out so many of the other apex predators before we got here…”
KA-BOOM!
The building reverberated like the inside of a bass drum after it gets hit by a comet. The lights went out, plunging us into total darkness and prematurely ending Jerry’s prayer. There were a few gasps. A nervous laugh. A chair scraping against the floor as someone hurried to their feet. I turned around, facing the direction of the table just in time for one of the other guests to slam into my shoulder as they rushed past.
“Can someone tell me what just happened?” Nathaniel called out. “That sounded like thunder.”
Jerry responded, “Lights went out.”
Nathaniel raised his voice into a command. “Everyone stay calm! Stay put! I’m sure our host has some candles or a torch.”
A short, silent moment passed, and then we heard the scream. A horrifying, blood-curdling, high-pitched squeal from the great hall, less than five steps away from me.
Jerry chuckled and made a faux-orchestral “Dun, dun, duuunnn!”
The plan had gone off the rails again. I tried sneaking back to my seat through the darkness, but a tiny spotlight lit up the room, stopping me in my tracks. It was coming from Loren’s phone, and pointed right at my eyes.
“Where are you going?” she asked loud enough for everyone to hear.
I covered my eyes and stammered my way through a terribly unconvincing lie. “I wanted to go investigate that scream.”
“Oh? Were you moonwalking in there?” she asked. “Looks like you’re facing the wrong direction to be going towards the scream.”
For some reason, Jerry took her side. “Yeah, Jack. Why are you acting so suspiciously?!”
“Look,” I said. “It was dark. Okay? I must have gotten turned around.
The house lights flickered back to life. Tobias and Bridget clapped, but only Jerry joined them. Everybody seemed confused on multiple levels.
“I assume the lights are back,” Nathaniel stated.
Jerry turned to him and asked, “How’d you know that?”
“I gathered as much from your applause.”
“Oh, was that why we were clapping? I was wondering.”
Loren cleared her throat and said, “Well, what are we supposed to do now?”
Hope’s soft voice crept into the group conversation. “Hey, guys... Where did Ms. Maggie go?”
I looked around and discovered that the old woman had pulled her surprise sneak-up-on-you act again, only in reverse this time.
Jerry made eye-contact with me, pushed back his chair, and announced, “We’ll go check it out. Right, Jack?”
“Why don’t we all go?” Loren asked. There was something unnerving about her accusing eyes and sarcastic tone. “After all, there’s safety in numbers. Right, Jack?”
“Yeah,” Tobias agreed as he and Bridget pushed out their chairs. “Let’s all go and see what that the commotion was. Then maybe we can finally eat. I’m starving!”
The commotion, it seemed, was the foretold murder. The victim was lying face-down in the great hall. Poor Old Maggie had been done in during the brief blackout. It wouldn’t take a master detective to conclude that her untimely demise had something to do with the large kitchen knife protruding from the center of her back, but the perpetrator of the crime was anyone’s guess.
Jerry put his hands on his cheeks and wailed in pretend distress, “Oh nooo! Not Maggie!”
Nathaniel was the last to enter the room, tapping the floor in front of him as he walked. “Did something happen?” he asked.
Loren answered casually, “Our hostess was murdered, and I’m pretty sure Jack did it.”
“What?” I tried not to sound too defensive. “Why me?”
Bridget laughed and added, “I’m sorry, Jack. No offense, but it really looks like you’re busted.”
Tobias raised his hand and said, “I would also like to cast my vote for Jack.”
“Now hang on--”
Nathaniel interrupted, “Let’s not jump to conclusions. Surely, if a murder occured, there will be clues here to prove the killer’s guilt. We all just need to take a moment and investigate our surroundings.”
The others reluctantly began searching the area, giving me an opportunity to finally sneak away. Tobias and Bridget were hand-in-hand, looking at paintings as I passed. Loren and Claire inspected the suit of armor. Hope was talking to Nathaniel while Wolfgang played with a fire poker. Before I could reach the door to the basement, Jerry called out my name. I turned to see him waving me over, crouched next to the “body” of our fallen hostess. (I had to admit, she was doing a terrific job of playing dead. I couldn’t even see her breathing.)
I crossed the room and knelt down next to him. “Yeah?”
His voice was low. His eyes fixed on the hilt of the dagger. “First of all, I want to apologize.”
I didn’t like the suddenly serious timber of his voice. “Okay. For what?”
“I guess a lot of things. Sorry I didn’t listen. Sorry we didn’t get out of here when you said we should. Sorry I dragged you along on this road trip.”
I was surprised he was saying all of this right in front of old Maggie. I knew she was hard of hearing, but still.
Hope called out to us from the other side of the room, “Remember! If you find any clues! You’re supposed to share with the group!”
Bridget called back, “We found something! There’s a series of numbers in the frames on each of the paintings!”
The crowd flowed over to join them. Jerry yelled out, “We’ll be right there!” Then he dropped his volume to a whisper and said, “You were right.”
I really did not like the sound of that. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Maggie is dead.”
“Yeah, I know. I have eyes and ears. She was probably killed--”
“No, no, no. You don’t understand. Maggie… her body is… how do I put this delicately? She’s… leaking...”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and made a point to cherish this moment. The moment before things went bad. The moment before all hell broke loose. It was nice, but it was just that. A moment. And it was over all too soon. When I opened my eyes again, Jerry had a pained expression on his face. “Are you mad at me?” he asked.
I looked down and noticed all the blood pooling around the body. Some coming from the wound. Some from her open mouth. Her eyes, magnified by the broken glasses, were enormous, focused on nothing. “That depends.” I said. “Did you kill her?”
“No. Did you?”
“No. Are we certain that she’s not just a world class actress?”
“Hang on, let me check.”
Jerry licked a finger, stuck it under the woman’s glasses, and poked her exposed eyeball. When she didn’t blink, he wiped his finger off on my jacket, then said, “Yep. We’re sure.”
“What are we supposed to do now?”
“I don’t know, but the longer we go without saying anything, the weirder it’s going to be when the rest of the group figures out we were just chilling next to a dead woman this whole time.”
“Maybe they won’t have to find out.”
“Ahhh,” Jerry nodded. “I see.” A second passed, then, “Actually, I don’t see.”
“We just need to get everyone out of here so we can move her to the basement and call the police. We’ll let the authorities figure out the sex cult murder mystery for once.”
Jerry stood up, cleared his throat, and announced, “Jack and I just found a clue--no, don’t come over here. The clue says we should all go to our rooms and await further instructions.”
The others stared back. Tobias stepped forward, saying, “Can I see this clue?”
“No,” Jerry stated. “It’s… you’re just gonna have to believe me on this one.”
“Why?” Loren asked.
Jerry waved his hands in the air like he was conducting music. “All will be revealed in due time. I promise. But for now, we must go to our rooms.”
Nathaniel responded, “I feel as if we haven’t yet found all the clues necessary to solving the mystery of Bedside Manor.”
Jerry needed some help. Unfortunately, I was the only one able to give it. I stood up, nearly lost my balance, but found it at the last possible second. I turned to the others, took a step forward, and said the first thing to come to mind, “Look everyone. I know you’re probably--”
But then my foot didn’t stop like it was supposed to. Instead, it whipped out from under me, slipping in the puddle of blood. Before I knew it, I’d hit the ground. Except that wasn’t quite it. No, It was much worse.
The others all screamed at once, “Oh my GOD!” “Are you okay!” “Shit!” “WHOA!”
I tried to play it off, get back to my feet, tell them I was fine. This soft bag of garbage had broken my fall…
Then I realized that I’d actually slipped and fallen right on top of the dead body.
The others surrounded us. Jerry pulled me to my feet and tried to calm everyone down. “Not to worry. This was all part of the act. Please go back to your rooms. Nothing to see here!”
Loren shoved me out of the way as she and Bridget dropped to either side of Maggie, asking a lot of questions they weren’t going to get answers for. “Are you okay?” “Are you hurt?” “Can you hear me?” “Maggie?!”
Tobias put a hand on my shoulder and spun me around to face him. “Is that blood on your shirt? Are you bleeding?”
“Yes.” I said. “I mean, no! It’s jam. I mean…”
Bridget gasped and covered her mouth. It didn’t take them very long to figure it out. This was a pretty smart crowd and we’d just lost control of the narrative. I had to try something, no matter how desperate.
“...how much does a polar bear weigh?!”
Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work. Loren jumped to her feet, grabbed Claire by the hand, and backed away a couple steps before saying it. “She’s dead. She’s really, actually, dead!”
“Whaaat?” Jerry tried. “Nah. She’s not really… she just… See, what had happened was…” He exhaled loudly and lowered his head. “Okay, yes. She is really dead. I know this looks bad, but--”
Hope screamed. The room erupted into chaos. People shouted over one another. Somehow, I got knocked down again. I crab-crawled away until my back was against the bookshelf. Everybody was arguing. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Loren and Tobias were both pointing at me, and I knew that wasn’t a good sign.
A loud, shrill whistle finally managed to shut everyone up. Nathaniel had everyone’s undivided attention. “Everybody please calm down!” (Nobody was calm. But at least they were all silent now, which is close enough.) “It seems that things have gotten quite out of hand. Before we bite out each other’s throats, I’d appreciate some level-headed fact finding. Bridget, are we sure Maggie is…?”
Bridget grabbed her husband and said, “Yes. She isn’t breathing. She has no pulse. And that knife… Someone really stabbed her.”
Hope had her arms around her son. “We know who it was!” she shouted. “It was that man! Jack Townsend!”
“Me?” I asked.
“He has a whole pharmacy stockpile worth of antipsychotics in his backpack! Clearly, he forgot to take his meds.”
“Whoa!” I yelled. “Not that it’s any of anyone’s business, but I didn’t forget to take my meds. I have an alarm set on my phone that always reminds me to take my meds because if I don’t… Yeah, this isn’t helping.” I shut up a little too late.
Tobias attempted to keep the peace. “Alright, let’s all just stay cool. Maybe it was Jack. Maybe it wasn’t. Either way, we need to call 911.”
Loren was the first to say, “My cell isn’t getting any service.”
Next, it was Bridget. Then Hope. Then finally, Tobias.
“There is another phone,” I said. “It’s in the basement. Landline. Should be able to reach the outside.”
“We’ll go check it out,” Tobias said. “But first, we need to get everyone else together. If there’s a killer on the loose, we can’t let him pick us off one at a time.”
“We’ll go tell the workers,” Loren said, taking Claire and leaving before anyone could argue.
As soon as they were gone, Jerry walked over to my side. “Well this has been fun,” he said, helping me back up again. “Sounds like you guys have this thing totally under control now. No reason for us to stick around. Ready to go, Jack?”
Tobias stepped closer to us, “And where exactly do you think you’re going?”
“Anywhere but here. I mean, Jack’s got this thing about murders. He hates when this happens.”
Bridget crossed her arms. “I’m sorry. ‘When this happens’? Has this sort of thing happened to you before?”
Jerry laughed. “Yeah, once or twice.”
Tobias narrowed his eyes. “That’s awfully suspicious.”
“I know! Right? Which is exactly why we’re gonna go before the police arrive. Otherwise, they’re gonna think we had something to do with it.”
“I didn’t want it to come to this, but if you insist.” Tobias bent over, pulled up his pants leg, and retrieved a small handgun from the holster above his ankle. He kept it aimed at the ground for now, but the presence of the deadly weapon was all it took for his commands to gain a lot more authority. “You’re both going to stay right where you are until we figure this out.”
“A gun?” Jerry asked. “Really, T-Bone? After all we’ve been through? That’s not very cash money of you. ”
“I don’t want to use this, but I can’t just let a killer go free.”
“Shoot them in the legs!” Hope screamed. “Just to be safe!”
Loren ran back into the room, shouting, “Guys!” She froze at the sight of the weapon. “Whoa! What’s happening?”
“It’s okay,” Tobias said. “I have a concealed carry permit for this.”
“Well that’s a relief,” Loren responded disingenuously. “But before we start blasting away, we need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” asked Hope.
Claire wandered into the room behind her sister and announced, “There’s nobody else here.”
“What do you mean?” Tobias asked.
Loren elaborated, “There’s no one in the kitchen. No workers. No actors. No staff. There isn’t even any food back there. We’re all alone in this house.”
Hope, Bridget, and Tobias said it at the same time: “What?!”
“That’s not all,” Loren continued. “There’s something else you should know. Claire and I aren’t even supposed to be here.”
Jerry and I shared a look. He asked, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, we’re not really guests. Our car broke down this morning while we were passing by.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up.
“Oh my God!” Hope exclaimed, clutching her chest. “You’re not going to believe this, but we’re not supposed to be here either! We were on our way home when our car died right up the road. We had to walk here. Maggie said we could stay but we had to pretend to be guests.”
This was one twist I did not see coming.
Bridget grabbed her husband’s arm and gave him a serious look. He nodded, then said, “Yeah. That’s exactly what happened to us. My truck has less than ten thousand miles on it. There’s no reason it should have stalled. We had to hike a couple miles up the hill. The lady told us to mingle and fake like we belonged here.”
Jerry tsk-tsked and said, “Well I for one am shocked. Here we are paying full price and they’re just giving away rooms for free. I’ll be telling Yelp all about this.”
I punched him in the shoulder and set the record straight, “We’re all in the same boat.”
“Wait,” said Hope. “If none of us are really guests, then how did Nathaniel…” We looked around and realized at the same time that the blind man had, evidently, disappeared into thin air.
Tobias was the one to say what we were all thinking, “What the hell is going on here?”
Continue to part four...

Despite a busy schedule u/eruwenn kindly helped me be twice as productive this week, teamwork pays off. Bonus chapter!
First / Prev / Next
Aaron sat in the open air-lock on the Porkchop Express, looking out over the treetops of Eden from his perch high above the park wall. He picked up the datapad and flicked to a screen with a map and six red dots, one of which had the name Tony floating next to it. Jolie, another red dot, was nearby - she was the third leokas that had grown healthy enough to be released into Eden. After Tony had shared his kill with her, she had stuck close to him. Aaron was glad his friend had bought his date dinner first.
He was so engrossed he didn’t notice Alexa approaching until she kicked him. “We’re leaving soon.”
“Ow!” He exaggerated. “And, I know. I was just trying to spot him. Ya’know, one last time. In case he needed some biscuits or something.”
Alexa slid her back down the wall to sit beside her human, wrapping her arm around his. As her head rested comfortingly against his shoulder, she reached out with her other arm to enlarge the map. The dots of Tony and Jolie were now side by side. "You saved his life. You found him a home, and gave him his freedom. He even has a mate. You've done enough, Aaron. He is the richest leokas in the world, his merch selling on practically every planet in the Federation, and he even has a breakfast cereal with his likeness on it”
“It’s grrrrreat.” Aaron laughed half-heartedly at his own joke.
“It has entirely too much sugar in it,“ she scolded him gently. “But, the toys were a nice touch.” She snuggled into him, enjoying a rare moment when he wasn’t being chased by a member of the crew with business issues. She savoured their privacy, remembering the first few cycles with just the three of them in the animal pens onboard the Azrimad. “One day, you, Sassie, Aiov and I should come back and visit Tony. Just the four of us.”
Aaron choked up a little, realising that Aiov would eventually be another goodbye. “She has a spot reserved in Eden, once she’s grown up.”
The door to the Overlook opened and Daynd came stomping towards them. “Will you two get back in the Tulseria damned ship! I need to re-check all of these seals, since you keep using the airlock as your personal viewing platform.” He waited for them to stand, tapping the metal tool in his hand against his leg. “Hurry up, Pilot, pre-flight checks are your job as well.”
Managing to make her salute as sarcastic as possible, she led Aaron by the hand back into the ship. “He’s grumpier than usual. It's been a few celes since he was on a planet for such a long stretch... I think he likes it here.”
The human sympathised; the ship would feel pretty small after Kasur, and a little emptier without the guest in the cargo hold. As he thought about it, another member of the crew had seemed rather absent lately. “How’s Norrin?”
Alexa shrugged. "In his barrel." Her herald had been struggling to maintain his solid form, so Aaron had put a barrel in his room. It had seemed like a dumb idea at the outset, but allowing Norrin to spend time as a semi-liquid had indeed helped to slow his deterioration.
“And you?” Aaron wasn't sure whether he feared asking the question or receiving the answer more.
She released his hand and poked his undefended stomach. “I can still kick your ass if you keep looking at me with those sad eyes. Don't worry," she added, reaching up to mess with Aaron's hair, "we can get what we need on the world we were found on. There are Inorganics there who can help.”
Aaron huffed, reaching up to try to re-tame his hair by flattening it down. Kasur didn't have barbers, as fur needed no cutting, and after a long period of wearing him down Chae'Sol had finally managed to convince him to sit for a haircut. Upon seeing the results of the Niham’'s efforts, Alexa had then made an attempt to fix Chae'Sol's fix. After that, it had been up to Aaron to fix the fixed fix, using a pair of scissors as well as an animal clipper to try to sort out the back and sides. In the end, it was a haircut, but not a good one. Without careful styling, it looked like he was a cast member in Dumb and Dumber. "Good," he replied after a last press-down on his unruly locks. "Having one crew member in a barrel is quite enough.”
Upon entering the Bridge, they found Embar and Chae'Sol waiting, already running their tests. Sassie was present as well, asleep on her back in the captains chair. Aiov was also sleeping in a legs-in-the-air pose, nestled in her small, open-topped box under the seat. Aaron tried to reclaim the captain's chair for himself, but though he tried to squeeze himself onto the seat beside his dog, the German Shepherd didn't budge.
The Niham navigator passed a datapad to Alexa. “Your checks are done.” As she nodded her thanks, he turned back to watch the power struggle unfold. “Just let her have the seat. She spends more time in it than you.”
The human frowned. “There’s space for both of us if she just moved over.” After another shove, Sassie grunted and finally allowed the human to slide her rump around. Tail swishing, she licked his face as he leaned over her, and he scratched her tummy as he sat down beside her. He wiped his face on his sleeve and tapped the screens in front of him. Danyd’s checks, he noted, were also complete. “Set a course for…” He paused, looking to Alexa. “What is your world called again?”
Alexa shook her head. “It isn’t our world, it’s just where we were found, and it has a twenty seven digit alpha-numeric designation given by the research team.”
“Eurgh. Screw that.” He raised a hand stopping her from reeling off the forgettable digits and paused to consider his options. “Set a course for planet Alpha-Numeric Designation!”
Alexa turned her seat away from him. “We have to take off first, idiot.”
“Fine! Just get on with it.” He stood up. Being the captain was a lot less fun than he had hoped. “Sassie, you have the bridge. I’ve got a call to make.”
After Aaron made his defeated exit, Alexa opened comms to the Kasurian flight controllers.
At the same time, Chae’Sol brought his Navigation console to life and checked over his calculations. “Are you nervous?” he asked the Inorganic.
“Nervous?” She looked at the controls. “No. I am an excellent pilot.”
The Niham and Rinoxian laughed together. Embar’s deep voice replied, “Not the flying. Are you nervous about taking your human home to meet mom and dad?”
“Not at all,” she lied swiftly. “And, we don’t have parents. Anyway, it’s a barren world with only a select group of my people manning a small facility. What could he possibly do?”
“True, true.” Chae’Sol rubbed his chin. “But what about your people? Before you made Norrin your herald, didn’t he want to kill you?”
Embar tapped the pistol on his hip. “We’re prepared for that eventuality.”
She couldn’t help but smile at the protectiveness of the large Rinoxian general. “Thank you, Embar. And Norrin didn’t want to kill me. He wanted to remove the parts of me that make me me; my individuality. Hopefully, we can discuss things calmly with the others of my kind.”
The navigator folded his arms across his chest. “Hopefully. However, Ranjaz is taking bets on how many we kill, and whether or not we start a war.” The silver-haired girl scrunched up her nose, focusing on her piloting so she could appear to be ignoring the Niham as he continued, “I put credits on three, and no war.”
Down the corridor and through the Overlook, Aaron closed the door to his workspace and took a seat. He propped his datapad up against some prototype cereal boxes and sent a notification to the councillor that he was available when she was.
The response was almost immediate and he tapped the datapad screen to see the councillor at her desk as always, the fish tank behind her an ever-present distraction for him. The Anatidae bowed her head in greeting. “Ambassador Cooper, thank you for making time to speak with me.”
Aaron was slightly thrown by the more formal than usual greeting, but bowed his head as he responded in kind. “I always have time for a Councillor of the Galactic Federation.”
She smiled; he had followed her cue perfectly. “Thank you, I will make this brief as I’m sure you have other matters to attend to. I understand you are preparing a selection of Earth’s media for release? I look forward to learning more about your home world.”
The human nodded. He knew that the Councillor had access to Earth’s media already. In fact, she had been the one to provide him with the data. Something wasn’t right, but he replied carefully, hoping to connect the dots as they spoke. “We have chosen a varied selection, and hopefully there will be something to your taste. I would be most interested in hearing feedback from you, should you look through the options. It would help us immensely as we prepare the next selection.”
Eruwenn continued smiling and nodding; another show for the Sentinels. “My work keeps me quite busy, but I will send you what feedback I can. Now then, down to the business at hand. We are finalising the renaming process before we update the records across the Galactic Federation. As you know, we can not stop you calling your worlds whatever you please, but for us to update the central databases it would be beneficial to have some more information, especially regarding some of the naming conventions used. For instance, you wish to rename the star Optimus Prime?”
Aaron tried not to smile. “A great hero from Earth’s mythology, he died for us and rose again. He was a great leader who believed that freedom was the right of all sentient beings.”
“Very noble.” She took a note, it seemed the human was playing along nicely. “And the first world and the accompanying moon?”
The human leaned back in his seat, putting his hands behind his head. “A childhood friend who would always come first. I named the planet Konrahd after him, and the moon is Talon X which was his online name in Gran Turismo.”
Tapping away, the Anatidae didn’t look up from her datapad. “Ah, of course. The human obsession with coming first. Please continue.”
“Sure.” Aaron leaned forward, reaching under the table to where Danyd had installed a small fridge. He took out a can and opened it loudly. “The second planet has been defaced by a meteor impact, all smashed up with an exposed and dead core. We’re calling it Alderaan, after a destroyed world in our pop culture. The two moons took quite a lot of damage as well. The lumpy one is Freak and the one with the big slash across the surface is Scar. No special meaning, one’s a bit freaky and the other has a scar, makes it easy to remember.”
“And the third planet?”
“New Terra.” He drank deeply and then stifled a burp, the development team had definitely put too much gas in this mix. “Nothing clever in the name, but it has potential. The moon is Elune, named after a lunar goddess. You’ll know more about it once we release the vanilla game.”
She looked up, narrowing her eyes. “It’s a marketing stunt for a game release?”
“An homage,” he corrected, although he already had a team working on merch and a possible theme park, with a whole line of cosplay accessories being planned.
The councillor didn't believe him for a second, and on some level was shocked he had not yet named a world Buy A Cupcake. “And that brings us to” -how she loathed this name- “Earth Two Electric Boogaloo, and I really must ask again. Why?”
He laughed, poker face slipping at her obvious discomfort. “Human joke, we add the suffix Electric Boogaloo to unwanted sequels. Plus, it really irritates Alexa.”
Eruwenn realised now why the former inspector clicked his pen so often. She would have appreciated a tactile release right now. “Perhaps she should have had more influence over the names. And the moon, El-ahrairah? Am I pronouncing that correctly?”
“Good enough. It’s named for the Prince with a thousand enemies.” His jovial tone vanished; Aaron knew what would happen to the rabbits if they began to colonise E.T.E.B. “Read the book, or watch the movie. Next.”
With that avenue of questioning closed down she moved on, marking her notes Royalty for the record. She was now quite curious as to which book he was referring to. Clearly it was an emotionally charged subject. “Next is Gaia? And the moons Lakshmi, Kratos and Milda.”
Aaron relaxed a little. “Some of humanity's old gods, I’m hoping to bring them out of retirement.”
The councillor paused. Were he intending to start a religion, it would certainly prove to be popular. She decided not to ask, in case it gave him any ideas. “And the large gas giant with seven moons?”
Now his smile returned in full. “Snow White and the seven dwarves. I can’t name them from memory unless you want some reindeer names mixed in. A folk tale; the gas giant is a perpetual blizzard.”
Eruwenn made another note, folk tale. The council would have questions and the more vague her answers were the better. “Next is Tortuga, which has a flag already, how delightful. Is that a human skull and bones?”
Aaron nodded emphatically. “We won’t actually be encouraging piracy.” He noticed the alarm in her eyes and hastily added, “Yeah, Jarby didn’t like that one either, even after my Captain Sparrow impression.” He saw the incomprehension on her face and explained further. “I did the impression for the asteroid belt as well, but nobody appreciated that either, and I wasn’t about to draw that stupid tattoo on my face.”
She looked at her reference map. “Ah yes, between Snow White and the planet Gallifrey, you have Tyson’s Belt. With asteroid mining advances you should have a steady supply of materials once your initial construction phase is completed. And those names?”
Aaron finished his can and crushed it, they may need to tweak the caffeine content down a notch as he could feel his heart racing. “Sports, and medical.”
She smiled. Naming a planet after someone from a medical field was commendable. “And who was Doctor Gallifrey?”
“Doctor who?” He recognised the wires that were crossed. “No, the Doctor was from Gallifrey.”
“Oh, my apologies. And his name?” she politely enquired.
“Who.”
“The doctor.”
“Doctor Who.”
“The one from Gallifrey!” she snapped, if she had a pen it would have been clicking furiously.
“He was on first base.” The plumage of the councillor's green crest was beginning to rise, so Aaron opened one of the cereal boxes, snacking to provide time to think. Eruwenn was still staring at the screen, confused and frustrated when finally he spoke with slow deliberation. “He was called Doctor Who. Can we move on, because the four moons around Gallifrey are Stark, Banner, Odinson and Rogers, and if you can’t follow Doctor Who I’m not getting into Marvel multiverse theories. Just put named after myths and legends or something.”
“Fine.” She did as instructed, but was still a little confused over who the Doctor from Gallifrey was and why he was now a myth. “The largest planet by far is next, and you called it Pluto.”
A mixture of triumph and anger came over the human. “Yeah, fuck you NASA, Pluto’s not too small now, bitches! You can chalk that one up to revenge, it’s named after a planet from my own solar system that got downgraded on a technicality.”
The councillor had hoped to gain an insight into the human mind through the names he chose for these worlds. What his priorities and aspirations might be, and what he held dear and wanted written in the cosmos. It seemed that he was just as insane as Rilla had repeatedly warned her he was. “Fine.” She didn’t understand a word of what he said, but named after a planet from home was good enough for the bureaucrats. “And Pluto’s five moons?”
“Michael, Tito, Marlon, Jackie and Jermaine.” Much better than Alexa’s choice, she had wanted to name them after the Spice Girls. With a resigned tone he added, “just put down musicians or something.”
Between the insanity and marketing was another welcome addition, music was a beautiful thing that almost all races could share in. “Wonderful, I look forward to listening to them on Musicify.” She had listened to some of Earth’s music during her research, finding that it was as varied as everything else they produced. She had found the classical genre most pleasant, especially while drinking tea. “And finally, on the very edge of the system, the frozen world and the two ice moons.”
The human was relieved to be on the final planets, as the energy drink was buzzing through his veins. “The world is Elsa, named after a princess, and the moons are Cube and Vanilla. You can put those under music, but maybe put an asterisk next to Vanilla.”
The councillor was once again very confused, but did as she was instructed. So often when dealing with the human she felt like she was one step out of time with the conversation. “Well, that concludes my questions. I can get this sent over to our stellar cartographers and the updates will go live in a few cycles. Thank you for your patience.”
“What?” Aaron was confused, he could have done this via a written message. What was the point in the video call? “Oh, ok. Well, thanks for the call, I guess.” After some minor pleasantries it was over, and he still had no idea what it had been for. Mildly disappointed and confused he picked up the prototype cereal box he had been eating from, looking at the cartoon leokas on the front. Turning it over in his hands there was a large drawing on the back for the kids to colour in, and he laughed at another of his prestigious contributions to the galaxy.
Estrilla entered, quickly closing and sealing the door. “Here.” She tossed him a small datapad, that had clearly been modified judging by the bulky addition on the back. It began to vibrate. “It’s Eruwenn. For you.” She looked at his stupid face and snapped. “It’s a secure line, answer it!”
The crew had been called together for an urgent briefing once they had jumped out of Kasur space, and as they gathered around the central table of the lounge they noted no snacks to be tested. This was a serious meeting.
Sassie and Aiov were under the table, and the little leokit with eyes opened was stumbling about with her four-legged guardian watching over her. Despite this development, there was no joy in Aaron's expression. Next to him, in front of the screen, Estrilla paced back and forth, and the Captain gently reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "She's your friend, you can start."
The doctor wanted to argue that they were no longer friends, but she realised her feelings had changed of late. “Fine.” She cleared her throat, shooting Ranjaz a sharp look clearly indicating that none of his usual nonsense would be tolerated. “As you all know, I am a former shipmate of Councillor Eruwenn Aix Sponsa. Many of you have even met her. We were part of a crew led by a former Imperium soldier and we worked behind enemy lines. For Eruwenn that work never truly ended, she just realised her targets were closer to home. She entered politics to engage with them on their terms, while also using her experience as a covert operative to gain whatever advantages she could.”
The yellow Kachna began to pace back and forth again. “There is a group of powerful people who want to see us return to war. They want to stir up the Hive and the Imperium and, as yet, we don’t know what their goals are. Power, profit, using one atrocity to hide another - we just don’t know, but we plan to stop them. Though this is Eruwenn's goal, if she can gain more power for her people and herself she'll likely take those opportunities as well." It was a harsh truth, but Estrilla no longer knew exactly where the Anatidae's loyalties truly lay.
Aaron walked forward and took a seat at the table. “We can delve into the lore later; let’s just show them the message.”
“Right.” The doctor picked up the modified datapad, noting some confused looks around the table. “This is a relay datapad, off the standard networks. It uses encrypted back channels or something - I’m a doctor not a spy, so don’t ask me how it works. Just know that this message is not to be talked about with anyone outside of this crew, and you are to keep no records on personal datapads. Am I clear?”
There was a murmur of consent. Even Ranjaz seemed solemn, acknowledging the gravity of the situation. Either that, or he was simply missing Skeena. Hoping for the best, the doctor stepped aside as the screen blinked on.
The view was obscured at first, and nothing could be heard except heavy breathing. Then glimpses of a corridor could be seen between someone's fingers - the camera was being carried at a run. The view cleared, sweeping along the corridor to reveal scorch marks from energy weapons and several bodies on the floor. A sibilant voice echoed down the hall from elsewhere, and the camera shifted. "Shit," said a different voice, and a Lacertan came into view, still on the move. "They'll find me soon, I have to be quick. I have a small drone hidden in the debris field and I'm uploading to it. Long after this is over it should head to a relay and send this message on your network. I pray this reaches you in time."
The camera operator pushed through a door, still breathing heavily. "This is the lab," she said as the camera panned around slowly. More scorch marks adorned the walls, and the bodies this time were wearing high level bio-hazard suits. "They were working on a weapon, some sort of pathogen, to kill the Hive."
Energy weapon fire could distantly be heard, and the Lacertan leapt behind one of the counters. As she huddled into a ball, she began crying. "Tell my mother I'm sorry. You'll do that, won't you?" Her terrified eyes were pleading with the camera. "I promised her I'd come home safe. I promised. Tell her I'm sorry for ever complaining about the pink packages and that I loved every single one. Tell her I love her, and that I'm so sorry.”
The sobbing intensified, and the camera sagged in her grip. The security uniform with a badge reading Amel came into view - she was a lieutenant. There came a deep breath, and the camera swung back up to her face. "Sorry. I was prepared for this when I volunteered, don't blame yourself. Just... stop them." Her eyes were now ablaze with anger as she tried to share as much information as she could. "They have a plague from this cursed shithole we've been orbiting for cycles. Last time I stopped them when they got too close to the answer they were looking for... by releasing it. Killing some researchers. People I knew, and worked with. I'm sorry for that, but it worked to stop their progress and I thought they would give up.”
She shuffled further around the counter, trying to get as much cover as she could. “Almost a full bost ago a Sentinel paid us a visit, bringing with him some new data. The diseases on this world are thousands of generations away from the original plague, but this data was the real deal. Their research surged ahead, and I didn’t have time to react. Tulseria curse them to eternity, some brainless Doctor Dix defrosted a patient on the edge of Tulseria-knows-where, and now these assholes are going to start a war and kill billions. You have to stop them.”
Voices and footsteps could be heard in the corridor and her voice became hushed and frantic. “They have to be close to release it, and somewhere with a lot of traffic so it reaches deep into their territory before they realise. It isn't finished. It was supposed to target only the Hive, but I heard Doctor Glimnop talking with his assistant about that not yet being the case. It mutates fast, too. It it gets out it could devastate the galaxy. You have to stop them.”
She leaned back against the counter, her breathing becoming ragged and her voice cracking. “They needed more time.” She was gasping. “I needed more time, I could have stopped them. The Sentinel said something about new colonies, and the need to tidy up. I knew, then.” Her gentle sobbing returned. “I ran.”
The sound of the lab door opening caused the slits of her pupils to widen with fear, and it was a moment before she whispered again. “Don’t come to Darnis, we’re already dead.” The camera panned down to her stomach, where her uniform was burned away and the scaled skin beneath charred and split, bleeding profusely. “Stop them releasing it, promise me!”
Angry yelling could be heard and the camera spun to show a Niham in a smart grey suit, his weapon raised. He fired twice. The camera fell to the floor for a moment before being picked up by the killer. “Damn it!” he cursed, “Find where this is transmitting to!” Then the video cut out.
The silence hung for several tiks as everyone processed what they had just watched. Estrilla gave them the time they needed. “They didn’t find the drone, and other than Eruwenn and her assistant, we are the only ones to have seen this.”
“You hope,” Embar said carefully. “They may have traced it, and then used the drone to follow the signal. Anyone who’s seen this is dead if the Sentinels find out.”
The doctor nodded. “That would only lead to the councillor, not us. She won’t talk.”
Embar was more dubious. “Torture can loosen lips. You think she can tough it out?”
Estrilla looked the general in the eye. “She has before.” He gave a polite nod, veteran to veteran, and she moved on. “We don't have much to go on. Sentinels have their past erased, and are good at staying off of the grid. With only a picture and a voice sample, our chances are slim... and if we look too closely, we'll give ourselves away.”
“His name is Krast.” Everyone turned to look at Ranjaz, who savoured the moment. “He’s the bastard who paid me to break into the military research centre. Asshole thought he was smart. He was going to steal something else, and use my job to cover it up.” All eyes were on him and he gave a mean grin at the memory of betrayal. “But, I beat him to it. Took the lot, and that’s when he set me up. I knew that fucker suspected me, so I kept my mouth shut. Played it innocent while he was watching from the shadows, did my time in Xeno-Biology Protection like a good boy.”
Allistan’s pen was clicking furiously. “What in Tulseria’s name did you steal?”
Everyone was looking intently at the Kittran, and he reveled in the attention for as long as he thought he could get away with before he shrugged. “No idea.”
Next

Another chapter from u/eruwenn and I.
First / Prev / Next
They breezed past the system port that signaled their arrival in Kasurian space, making their way to one of the orbital stations that crowded the planet. As they approached the night side of Kasur, they could see that it wasn't just the skies that were crowded - the land masses glittered with light like a giant disco ball. The sensation of crowdedness was compounded further by the fact that a religious festival was currently taking place on the planet, and there were queues upon queues of ships waiting to unload.
Making good use of their waiting time, Allistan gave him a pre-prepared presentation on the culture of the planet Kasur, highlighting the relationship between its early history and its current religion. Colour-coordinated graphs on predation, birth rates, and famines featured among the thick wad of handwritten notes handed out before Allistan's speech began. For Aaron, the lengthy lecture meant that, thankfully, he could finally get some sleep.
The heavy clunk of the airlock attaching roused him, and he lazily stretched. Allistan was still talking, his back to Aaron as he drew on one of the large sheets of paper he had hung on the wall. “..and so, in a final attempt to stop famine and mass starvation, they embraced predation. Sacrificing oneself, so that the next generation lived on in plenty. Fascinating.”
Aaron nodded, shuffling the papers in front of him. “Yeah… That’s really interesting. Thanks.”
Alexa walked through from the Bridge and tossed Aaron his jacket. “Danyd needs time to prepare the ship for landing on Kasur. We're going for a look around the station.”
"Oh, I have homework from Allistan," Aaron lied as he held up the cultural reference material. The human hadn't left the ship since he had brought Tony on board, and the truth of the matter was, he still didn't have the heart to. "I know the last two stops we were just getting supplies, but we'll be here for half a cycle, at least. You go without me.”
Alexa huffed, and in a few short steps she stood behind him. "Get. Up." When Aaron made no attempt of moving, she pushed him from his seat onto his feet.
Allistan couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. “I will be accompanying you to handle the docking fees and paperwork. Danyd has some parts he ordered to collect; while he and Jaym fit them, the rest of the crew have some free time. You included.”
Outvoted and overruled, Aaron pulled on his jacket and whistled for Sassie, who trotted out of the Bridge yawning lazily. “Sassie, go pee.” He pointed at the sanitation pad in the corner of the Overlook, and she reluctantly obliged before joining him to have her leash attached. “Can’t have you fouling a space station. I’m the one who makes bad impressions, not you.”
Ranjaz and Skeena came running out of the elevator hand in hand, straight into the airlock. “Too slow!” Ranjaz called out as the door slid shut behind them.
With eyebrows raised, Allistan rolled both sets of eyes. “Really? How rude!”
Aaron was more forgiving. “They don’t have much time left together. Ranjaz mentioned something about not being welcome on Kasur when I asked if he had considered staying. Cut them some slack.”
The Fae’Dan tutted. “Love does not triumph manners.”
It took a few moments for the door to the airlock to open again, and Alexa immediately pulled Aaron inside. Sassie followed readily, and Allistan collected a satchel hanging by the door before stepping inside as well. The doors began to close, but a yell from the stairwell gave them pause, and Allistan held out a hand to prevent the airlock doors from closing fully. When they opened again it was Embar and Danyd who entered the airlock. They were quite the amusing sight standing next to one another - the Rinoxian towered over most, but Danyd barely even reached his hip. The two mumbled their thanks before their discussion quickly shifted back to power outputs on energy cannons.
Aaron looked around quickly. “No one else?”
Danyd turned towards him. “I’ve got Jaym stripping the rear gravity stabiliser array; going planetside takes a toll on them. We should be fine, Kasur’s close to ship standard anyway.”
"Chae'Sol is doing his hair," Embar added. "Wants to look good for his first visit to Kasur.”
The Niham's fastidiousness in regards to his appearance had become something of an in-joke among those on board, and Aaron nodded. On the Azrimad he had assumed it was the officers uniform, but even in his civilian clothing Chae’Sol always looked effortlessly elegant. “What about Norrin and the Doc?” He was surrounded by shrugs, so he readily added his own and pushed the button to close the door.
It was a short walk along the umbilical to the station. Allistan had peeled off from Aaron and Alexa to discuss implementing requisition forms with Danyd and Embar. Alexa hooked her arm around Aaron’s and leaned into him, reaching up to run her fingers through his dark hair. "We should find someone who can trim your hair, you're looking a bit shaggy."
He had lost track of how long it had been since he was unfrozen, but judging by the state of his hair it must be closing in on a couple of months. “Chae’Sol has offered to do it.”
She frowned, not wanting Aaron to adopt an elaborate Niham style of hair. “I think the low maintenance look suits you. I doubt you have the patience to maintain floppy hair like his.”
He wasn’t sure if there was a compliment smuggled in there. “Utilitarian?”
The worn down Kasurian security guard who met them was most definitely not a poker player. Eyes wide as a Satryn, a Rinoxian and a Fae’Dan walked towards him, he did not immediately spot the three following behind. When he did he screamed loudly and slammed his fist down on an alarm before diving for cover.
Energy fields sprang up preventing them from moving further, and the Kasurians in the corridor ahead of them began screaming and fleeing in terror. As the alarm rang in the security office on that deck they grabbed their weapons, donned their safety helmets and raced to the docking port.
Skeena and Ranjaz were in the elevator when the alarms sounded. The Kasurian looked frightened, but the Kittran simply glanced up at the yellow light insistently flashing on the ceiling. “Looks like the rest of the crew are making a good impression.”
“You can’t know it’s them,” she insisted.
With a wicked grin he answered, “Wanna bet?”
The holding cell was a little cramped, benches on either side now holding several members of the Porkchop Express crew. For Embar it was especially cramped, as despite the cells being larger to accommodate other species it was still designed and built by Kasurians. Danyd was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. “That is the fastest I’ve ever seen a crew get arrested, and none of you have even been drinking.”
The Fae’Dan was holding up his jacket, smoothing out wrinkles in the soft material. “It was a simple misunderstanding, I’m sure it will be straightened out very quickly.”
"That was a pretty neat trick, disabling the security fields," the Satryn said, sitting up to look at Embar.”
The former general had the decency to look embarrassed. “When the guards arrived, and pointed their weapons at us… I thought it was an ambush of some kind.”
Allistan was hesitant to point out the general’s short-sightedness. “Sassie was terrifying them, she went wild, they were scared and then you...”
Alexa, sitting closest to the door, was quick to stand up for her four-legged comrade. “She doesn’t like helmets!”
The Fae’Dan was in agreement, but it didn’t change the facts. “I’m sure the initial alarm was because of her. And then when she reacted” -he received a stern look from Alexa- “... understandably reacted, the guards panicked. I mean, they’re Kasurian, very easily spooked.”
Embar was not going to let the Fae’Dan’s earlier comment go. “True, Kasurians are easily spooked. And perhaps disabling the security field added to that. However, it was you who threw the first punch.”
“Kick,” Allistan said quietly. Then, more adamantly, “That guard was going to shoot you! I thought half of them would need clean trousers after you punched a hole in the wall and ripped out the power cables for the security field.”
“Neat trick,” Danyd repeated. “I certainly would have checked my trousers if someone hadn’t picked me up and launched me across the room.” He glared at Alexa who continued to look at the door.
It was the Rinoxian who broke the silence with a stifled laugh. “It’s moments like that, I think we have two humans and forget you’re an Inorganic at all.”
Being thought of as human was both a pleasant and discomforting idea to Alexa, but she certainly no longer identified as an Inorganic. “I could only reach two in time to prevent them shooting. The ones at the back were out of reach, so I improvised.”
“Still.” Danyd returned to lying on his back. “We make one hell of a team. Let’s hope we end up in the same prison so we can watch each other's backs.”
Aaron sat drinking a cool fruit drink with the commander of the station. Sassie was sleeping by his feet after draining a large bowl of water. The commander’s office was large and, although the seats were adaptive, it still felt to Aaron like he was sitting in something made for a child. It seemed that Commander Alhiq Ha’Mon was a distant relation to the Engineer from the Azrimad and was quite the GalacTube fan. On his desk was a small plate of cupcakes, cookies and doughnuts and on the display case behind him was a plush German Shepherd.
The human spoke gently and calmly, once again trying his best to convince the commander of his safety. “Please, Commander, you don’t have to sit like that. She won’t hurt you.”
Commander Ha’Mon looked over the top of the table at the sleeping dog. The Kasurian was sitting on the back of his chair, feet on the seat. “I understand, I really do.” He fidgeted nervously. “Something about her just makes me feel better being off the ground.”
Aaron gave a polite nod of agreement, then sat up in his seat. “So, back to my crew. I’d like to apologise for their actions once more. I will obviously cover the cost of repairs, and have them apologise to your men.”
The commander waved his hands in front of him. “No. No. It’s fine, I can see the false alarm began a series of events that escalated quickly. If it hadn’t been for your restraint and commanding presence it may have escalated further. You may have to teach me that trick.”
It had been a long time since he’d shouted like that, not since he worked as a bouncer in nightclubs and needed to be heard over the music. He’d quickly learned that a deep, booming voice was quite the attention grabber. It had stopped several fights - including this recent scuffle - in their tracks. “Ah yes, I’d also like to apologise to your men as well. When I shouted for everyone to stop and lay on the ground, I was meaning my crew and not your security team.”
The commander swallowed hard. He had watched the replay in his office, and even on the small desk screen he had been compelled to lie down and cower. “I’m just glad that it worked, we wouldn’t want the return of Lefu’Mohlanka to be tarnished.”
“I thought I was Lefu’Yendra?”
“Oh, definitely.” The commander had seen the man use his voice to command more than beasts, even now sitting with a predator at his feet. “Lefu’Mohlanka is the name given to the leokas in our religion, it means Servant of Death. While you walk with him, the leokas does his bidding. Taking the Nyehelo.”
“Nyehelo,” Aaron parroted with no small amount of confusion. His grasp of Galactic Standard was excellent, but these terms were all Kasurian. “High ground?” he ventured; Tony liked to be up high.
“I guess the best word would be Offering.” The commander considered this word choice. “Those who choose to die to the leokas and bring future prosperity to our people.”
With a nod of understanding the human caught up. “Sacrifices.”
The word seemed to unsettle the commander. “No, sacrifice is not right. That implies regret or that we are forced to do this. No, we offer ourselves as a gift.”
Word games, Aaron thought to himself. Typical of religion, and he’d put money that those in charge weren’t jumping down a leokas throat. He held his tongue, not wanting to offend the person who held his crew in custody. “Very interesting. Such a rich culture, I’m sorry if I offended you with my clumsy words.”
The smile returned to the commander’s face. “Not at all. We know many races who perform sacrifices, your confusion is understandable.” He adjusted his position, clearly uncomfortable balancing on the back of his seat. “We will call what happened earlier a training exercise. Your crew did highlight some gaps in our security and preparedness.”
Aaron took a sip of his drink, internally disappointed. It needed vodka. “You are a compassionate and generous host.”
The commander’s tail visibly straightened and his chest puffed out. “Ahh, well. You have done a great thing. Bringing a leokas back to Kasur is no easy task. They become sick and die so quickly, transporting them is very difficult. Even the reserve, a special place just for them, has trouble maintaining their population. Your, what was it? Tony? Yes, he will be a welcome breeding specimen.”
It was nice to be recognised for his efforts, but he was now curious about Tony’s fate. “They don't do well on the reserve?”
The commander bowed his head. “Sadly, no. There are so few it is difficult to become a Nyehelo now. I believe your young Agent has arranged for you to look over the reserve and perhaps lend us your insight.”
"I'll be glad to." He wasn't about to leave his buddy to a sad fate. Neither did he want his crew to be left to a different sad fate, so be brought the conversation back to task. “So, about my crew? They are free to go?”
“Of course.” The commander opened his hands warmly. “None of my men were hurt. Some were a little disappointed, as it would have been a great honour to have died at your hand.”
He bit back his initial response. “Ah, I know that. But I am trying to keep that under control. We shouldn’t honour just anyone.”
The commander nodded eagerly; the human seemed to share the Kasurian viewpoint. “Exactly, only the worthy can become Nyehelo.” The commander attempted to stand but as his chair moved beneath him returned to a seated position. “Please, show yourself out and I will have your crew released.” Aaron thanked him, leaning forward to carefully shake his small hand before heading to the door. Sassie got up to follow him, the commander letting out a small yip of fear before bringing himself under control.
He made his way down to the ship, apologising to the guards who were collected around the dock. Then he took a few moments to pose for pictures with a few members of the cupcake coalition. Brave fans who had heard of their arrival and, despite the previous alarm and increased security, had still gathered at the airlock. Fumbling in his pocket he gave out small cupcake pin badges, exclusive colours that weren’t available for purchase.
As he walked back along the umbilical to the Porkchop Express he was in a better mood. Despite the arrests this had been a successful visit, and he laughed at his own optimism. Despite the arrests. It really wasn’t a good reflection of his time in space that zero deaths was the measure of success.
As the airlock opened onto the Overlook he could hear Estrilla’s voice carrying from the Lounge. She was lecturing the crew, and quite forcibly. He considered making his way directly to his quarters but he needed to check that they had the supplies and parts required. He removed Sassie’s leash and she continued to trot alongside him as he took the stairs.
The newly released crew were all sitting at the table while Estrilla marched back and forth, telling them how badly they had let themselves down. Not just themselves, but the Captain and the rest of the crew. And their families.
Ranjaz was sitting on the edge of a laden grav trolley, and he waved to Aaron. “Weird to not be the one in trouble.”
Aaron gave a quiet laugh. “Yeah, kinda odd.”
The Kittran squinted at the human trying to figure something out. “So, how come you weren’t the one throwing Danyd at guards?”
“I was sober.” Uncomfortable with such a candid response the human motioned to the boxes on the trolley. “You got the supplies?”
Slapping the top of the nearest box, Ranjaz gave a toothy grin. “Aye, and paid half price thanks to a lucky dice roll.”
“Lucky dice?” Deciding not to delve further, he also asked, “How did your date go?”
“Short.” Ranjaz pointed to the stuff behind him. “Once the alarms went we came back to see who you killed. Then I got messages from Alexa with lists and instructions to go get everything ready. So, you owe me big.”
Estrilla turned to face them. “When you have quite finished gossiping in the corner, get those supplies stowed.” Ranjaz jumped up and began moving the trolley. “And you, Captain.” Aaron braced himself. “Thank you. You kept a level head and stopped things from escalating.” Relief washed over him; he was being praised. “Next time, though? Do it before they punch holes in a station and beat up a security team!”
Not quite the praise he hoped for, but he was taking it all the same. “Thank you. I hope you didn’t go too hard on them, they still have a lot to learn. We must work together to guide them.”
Estrilla poked him in the chest. “You are not funny, last human! Jar’Bek is waiting for you in his office.” She shooed him until he was on the stairs heading back to the upper deck.
The door to the lawyer’s office slid open. Jar’Bek looked tired, surrounded by datapads and wall screens all showing various graphs, charts and numerical feeds. The Ashi glanced up, and gestured to the seat opposite before finishing up what he was doing. Aaron looked around as he waited, but his wandering eye paused on the wall screen. Data was being sorted and filtered. It looked like transactions, but it was far too rapid for him to catch details. He caught occasional words and, looking at the top corner, he saw a counter. No, not a counter but a total, and it was rapidly increasing. He stared, eyes wide, as the number continued to increase at a preposterous rate.
Jar’Bek had stopped working and was now watching the human. “So, it seems you may have already realised why I asked to speak with you.”
“Is that…” Aaron paused, trying to do some mental arithmetic and coming up woefully short. “That can’t be right.”
The Ashi pushed a datapad across the desk. “When is the last time you looked at your finances?”
The human paused. He had a great empty feeling opening up inside of him, the pit of his stomach tumbling away as rapidly as the numbers on the screen were racking up. “We got such a big payout from Arkellis,” he stammered. “I just had that as a total and I’ve been working things out from that. I never actually checked the account. Those numbers can’t be real.”
“Terrifyingly so.” Jar’Bek leaned back in his seat, his grey skin was paler than usual. “Let’s speak candidly. After your ridiculous spending spree to obtain a ship, and once I had bribed enough officials, paid off the families of the dead, and swept away the incident on the station, I was concerned that your finances would be dwindling. Should I be required to pay off the families of any more victims of your heroism, I would need to be sure you could afford it.”
“You’ve been paying people off?” The emptiness inside filled with ice.
The former lawyer from the Selari Trade Alliance raised his eyebrows. “My previous employers had similar issues, although for different reasons.” He folded his arms and gave the human an appraising look. “I was hoping this would no longer be part of my work, but, as questionable as your actions were, you did save the girl. And, I hear, you stopped a brawl and negotiated your crew's release without charge. I am impressed, and I hope the responsibilities of being Captain continue to improve your judgement.”
Without a better response, Aaron nodded.
Jar’Bek had gotten off topic and, with a cough, returned to the more pressing matter. “As you have given me access to your accounts, I took it upon myself to check their health. Before the meeting on Arkellis you were making extremely large sums of money through your various ventures. Commendable. You have continued to push out new products, food, game and merchandise related. You did not think to monitor their performance?”
The human shrugged. So many things had happened in that time. “I’ve been preoccupied.”
“Preoccupied.” He almost wanted to throw something at his client. “I’m a lawyer, not an accountant. My first piece of advice is to get an accountant. In fact, buy a firm of accountants, investors and anything else you can think of.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I would actually appreciate some help myself, as declassifying human culture is time consuming. Perhaps you could buy a legal firm, or several.”
Aaron understood sarcasm and he smiled. “Choose a few good ones and find out the price.”
The Ashi continued to glare. “I am glad you are amused. Money like this changes things. The Selari Trade Alliance were willing to attack an embassy and kill everyone for a fraction of what you make in a single cycle. I have been looking at this since last night, I still have no idea how you managed this. Your cupcakes are so cheap, your game transactions are microscopic, your merchandise is the only area in which you seem to charge a reasonable amount, yet here we are. It’s like every citizen in the Federation just decided to pay you a credit per day.” He was exaggerating, but he was exasperated.
Aaron’s plan was always to become famous, to spread human culture as far and as fast as he could. To make the whole Federation his eyes and ears. While Jar’Bek spoke, he’d been thinking. “First, I want to bring in Allistan to help us. I need someone who can organise things better than me and he’s the most organised person I’ve ever met. He needs something to focus on - I can’t have him bringing me any more suggestions like rotating the heads on the sweeper bots to increase their life by three percent. Danyd said it would work but the sweeper heads cost six credits and only get changed twice a celes.”
Jar’Bek nodded. Allistan was a good choice: a detail-oriented Fae’Dan with an inquisitive mind and a strong work ethic. “I agree, he would be a welcome addition. But, I think you fail to grasp the scale of your predicament.”
“Predicament? This is all part of my grand scheme.” Aaron leaned back, putting his hands behind his head. It was time to bluff until he came up with something. “I’m not going to do a Scrooge McDuck, filling the hold with gold coins to swim in. And, I’m not Montgomery Brewster either. It looks like we’ve reached phase two faster than I expected.”
Jar'Bek’s grey skin had been pale, but upon hearing Aaron speak his skin now almost bordered on white. "Phase two?" he whimpered.
Next

(Disclaimer, spoilers for some series possible. Don't use any of these)
The Divine AU: Revolves around Travis (aged 10), living on one of the isles Isles (Qweerial Isle) as an Islander. He lives peacefully in the area until a bomb gets dropped, forcing him to abandon the area and flee to the sanatorium. There, he slowly turns insane.
(I hate Divine Sister, but some of their game concepts are pretty neat for me)
Since the time period in Sally Face is 1970-2000, it'll remain as such here. Visitors in this universe are allowed at the Sanatorium as Tourists, and the people that reside in the Sanatorium itself are the Torium workers, Islanders, and Refugees.
The night is the most dangerous time of the day, with two threats threatening to end you: spiders and starvation. During day time, the things that can kill you are starvation, nurses, fall damage, and drowning.
Story:
Travis was born on Qweerial Isle into a heavily religious family (without the whole cult thing). The village was all fine and life was peaceful until a bomb was dropped by a group of terrorists, forcing everybody to abandon the area to go to De Pride Isle, a neighbouring Isle with De Pride Isle Sanatorium on top of a hill. Both he and his parents get separated from each other.
He gets taken into the Pride Torium, and a nurse greets him and explains the daily routine to him. The routine is lights on, breakfast, activities, lunchtime, meditation/village trip, dinner time, and then lights out. He tries to follow along with the routine as best as he can. Occasionally, Val visits the Torium
Travis goes into one of the rooms and locks the door. He encounters a cannibal knocking on the door, and he gets his first vision (a symptom of the illness there). Over the course of the next few days of survival, he ends up on his 6th vision and it just drives him insane.
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Victim Number 17: "Victim Numbers 1-17" is an experiment created by some insane group. They take people off the street and replace every single part of them with robotic parts till every part of them is replaced until they can perfect it. It takes place over the course of 7 days. Apollo is one of the unfortunate 17 that were kidnapped. No more emotions, same personality and style, but it's just an empty robot that doesn't know what being human is like. Eventually, he gets let out and the Anything Agency is now devasted to learn what happened to him.
Klavier and Trucy having a conversation pre-trial. Apollo arrives and does his normal greeting of "hey, hello how are you" and whatnot. Except, that greeting sounds nothing like him. It has his voice, same personality, but it's devoid of emotion and it's just a program that replicates his old personality. Trucy pulls him aside and by looking directly at him. She finds a panel on the back of his neck and immediately realizes what's happened.
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Not much of a good idea, and one that I really hate (Despair AU):
Klavier and Apollo are roommates. Apollo has Junko's many personalities and has hidden it from everyone else for, like, 7 years. So, instead of just bottling it up for that long, he instead volunteered at a local theatre and used that as a sort of cover-up for his horrid personality, usually playing the villain.
After a couple of months of covering it up, he begins to crack. Klav just basically exposes Apollo for the liar he is, and Polly just runs away I guess.
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(Bakery AU): Anything Agency is now a bakery with Phoenix and Trucy Wright and Apollo Justice as the head bakers. Phoenix and Apollo baking cupcakes for Trucy when she's upset and Phoenix beats the shit out of the person that made her upset. Or, Trucy bearhugging Apollo while wearing an apron covered in brownie ingredients.
Screw it, Villain Apollo:
Apollo is a villain that kidnaps Klavier and uses him to win points with the mastermind villain. What does Apollo do as a villain? Mainly theft, murder, and kidnapping.
Design:
He wears a black mask that can detach from the other half vertically. Has a sword and a gun, along with other short-bladed weapons in his jacket. No cape, but wears monokuma colours in his uniform. Also, has a cane. Basic design, but it's the simplicity that I like.
Scenario:
Klavier is walking down the street, and he gets chloroformed. He wakes up and Apollo says that he's gonna help him during this game show party otherwise, he's dead. Klavier reluctantly agrees but goes with him anyway. Before entering the party, Apollo holds a gun to Klavier's back and says "Big smile now, everybody's happy here." They go in and meet Phoenix and Trucy, both of whom are villains. They continue and the party gets attacked, and all four have to flee the area. Apollo keeps Klavier around since he can still use him I guess.
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Future AU: Phoenix and Maya know the outcomes of all the cases but can't change anything. All they can do is present evidence that they already have. So they basically know everything and everyone gets shocked that the defence that was so weak the day before is suddenly a mastermind with the knowledge that the prosecution could never have thought of.
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Danganronpa x Ace Attorney x Kakegurui crossover:
Hobo Phoenix, Yumeko Jabami, and Celestia Ludenburg play poker to see who would win.
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Danganronpa x Ace Attorney:
The characters get put in a killing game. The cast I had planned for this was:
1- Kristoph Gavin, Ultimate Convict
2- Phoenix Wright, Ultimate Gambler
3- Miles Edgeworth, Ultimate Prosecutor
4- Apollo Justice, Ultimate Lawyer
5- Athena Cykes, Ultimate Psychological Analyzer
6- Trucy Wright, Ultimate Magician
7- Klavier Gavin, Ultimate Rockstar
8- Maya Fey, Ultimate Spirit Medium
9- Ema Skye, Ultimate Forensic Scientist
10- Dick Gumshoe, Ultimate Detective
11- Kay Faraday, Ultimate Thief
12- Misty Fey, Ultimate Book Writer
13- Machi Tobaye, Ultimate Pianist
14- Lamiroir, Ultimate Singer
15- Shelly De Killer, Ultimate Assassin
16- Mimi Miney, Ultimate Nurse
I intended the killings to be: Ema Skye as the first victim, Machi as the first culprit, Maya Fey as the second victim, Shelly De Killer as the second true culprit, Misty Fey and Trucy Wright (shut yes I know) as the third victims, Mimi Miney as the third culprit, Lamiroir as the fourth victim, and Athena as the fourth culprit, Kristoph Gavin as the fifth victim, and Apollo Justice as the final culprit.
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(Dystopian, with More Misery!): People live in a society where everyone is forced to be "perfect". Everyone has to get along, nobody is overweight, nobody is considered "ugly," girls play with dolls, boys play with whatever they play with, and it's all under the government's control. Anybody that thinks badly of the government or their propaganda will be executed immediately. The main protagonist is called Nancy, and she's trying to protest against the government.
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Endless Labyrinth:
Three people get placed in an endless maze. None of them know each other and their memories have been replaced. They used to know each other and were able to speak, but the memories and ability to do so was taken away. They can only communicate by notes which only allow up to 50 words, and a mysterious bell that summons a sleep killer. They wander through it endlessly, finding notes that seem to be written by them, but they have no memory of writing them. Meanwhile, unknown people watching them through security cameras broadcast it globally.
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The Outside:
The world became a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Government official numbers are low, and the remaining have built a castle to protect the remaining survivors from the outside world. The remaining world managers rule the castle from behind the scenes and implant the idea to everyone else that everything is okay and nothing is wrong. If someone disobeys this mentality, bells sound and they take them to the outside, where disturbing creatures and radiation hide in darkness. Monsters and folklore characters, who were thought to be purely fictional, turn the world into complete darkness, even the brightest thing in the universe can't take away the darkness the outside is surrounded in away.

If you guys haven't read parts 1&2 yet, click HERE.
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Without further ado, let's begin.
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Prologue 3: A Single Hint
Me and Principal Miner talked about the contract business and all the other things, but we got it sorted out eventually. Took a long ass time though, probably was in there for 4 hours. The language barrier wouldn’t be much of an issue in school, as I am going to a english-speaking school, and studied enough Japanese. I also think I have prepared myself enough for the outside life out of school where I live.
I pick up my bag, shake hands with the principal as he pokes me in the heart area.
“I know it’s a new place and all, so try to lighten up and explore a bit ok?” He says worryingly. “It might just fix your problems with you know… the rain storms-“
I cut him off. “It’s ok Mr. Miner. I’ll try.” I say back.
I turn around and wave goodbye to the Principal as he waves back and smiles while saying goodbye to me while I exit his room.
“Remember! Your flight is tomorrow at 11PM!” He yells.
I nod and walk down towards the now dark hallways and onto the streets of downtown. I head towards the gym to workout for 2 hours then wash up after. I then proceeded to head back to my wretched, some would call it “home.” On my way back, past an abandoned garbage filled plot of land, I see a newly opened bread store that has a sale going on.
I open the door as the bell chimes on my way in. It’s quite empty with only a few people browsing with some taking some food. I stroll around the vast amount of selections when I come across something that catches my eye.
It was a single frosted red-velvet cupcake on a tray. Looks like it’s other brethren were taken away with only this one left. I opened my wallet to see I still had 2 dollars and 39 cents left. “Fuck it.” I say to myself, “might as well enjoy myself with the events today right?” I grab the cupcake and pay the cashier 1 dollar and 30 cents and head out on my way, not forgetting to pick up a couple extra napkins and paper bags. I could always use what I could get for free.
I took a bite out of the frosted cupcake and my mouth basically orgasmed. It was something I had never tasted before! So, rich and creamy, nothing like the shit at my home!
I gobble down the cupcake faster than the speed of a fighter jet and clean myself with the napkin I had taken. I throw away the cupcake wrap into a trash bin and head on my way home. Secretly, I had always been fond of cupcakes, but baking was always something I was subpar at. Except for Berger Cookies. Everyone in Baltimore knows Berger Cookies.
But getting ingredients was harder for me then trying to pay attention in class, but with a new start… I look forward to my next adventure.
Prologue 4: The Silver Lining
I reach back to my rundown apartment building and open the massive oak doors that lead to the lobby. Dark, dusty, only one of the headlights working, this was all normal to me. I press the button for the elevator and step inside and press floor 15. I lean back against the walls of the clammy box. I pull out my phone to start playing some music when some scrawny looking man steps through the elevator doors at floor 13. He’s wearing a crimson red blazer from the back with green hair arching down to collar level with… clown paint on his face? I shrug it off as a typical normal person here when he spots my eyeing him by the reflection of the glossy elevator doors.
“Joker.” The man says. I pull out one of my earbuds and give him a dead stare at the reflection of him by the elevator doors.
“Excuse me?” I say back.
He looks at me through the reflection, but says nothing. The DING of the elevator indicates my time to leave and I do so with him stepping out of the way courteously. I’m left annoyed but confused at the same time, but I downplay it as nothing.
I open the door to my dank apartment to find a trail of articles of clothing in a trail leading to my sister’s bedroom. I listen as I hear the loud creaks of the wooden pegs of the bed scraping against the old dusty floorboards. I put it in my earbuds and walk towards my room. I close the door and drop my things onto the floor and start to unpack. I start semi-dancing around the room when I hear loud knocks at my room door.
I drop my phone and earbuds onto my bed and open the door. There stands my blonde sister. About 1 inch taller than me, arching across my door. I give her a blank stare as she pulls out one of her hands and beckons me for money.
“20 Bucks. Right now.” She demands.
I give her an angry look as she stares right into my eyes. I look down to avoid her and signal my disinterest.
“Look I don’t even have 5 dollars.” I protest back. “Besides, you’re with so many guys that i’m starting to think you're my mom, shouldn’t he pay yo-”
I feel a hand unexpectedly smack me right across my face as I stumble back. I see a large bald man standing beside my sister. In a blind fit of rage, I leap across my room to the considerably muscular and taller man, as with my training experience I had a hope that this man was just all muscle, but to no avail. He grabs my arm like a twig and lifts me up.
“Ohohoho, looks like we got a fighter here!” He says. My sister just chuckles and pushes me aside and digs underneath my bed. She finds a shoebox where I had hidden all the spare change I collected over the past few months and waves a 50 dollar bill in my face cunningly with a smug look on her face and walks out of my room and away.
“Give that shit back!” I yell.
The man takes one good look at my sister and says nothing as my sister gives an approving nod. He then punches me right in the gut and face, sending me flying back and crashing into my bed end. The last thing I see is him and my sister laughing as they slam the door to my room menacingly, and my eyes closing automatically.
I awake to a throbbing headache and a small pool of my own maroon red blood on the floor, being litten up by the silver moon gazing behind me. It takes time, but I use my desk to get up onto my feet and stand aimlessly in my room. Tears stream down my face as something stings on the left side of my face. I pull out my phone camera to see the cause of my bleeding and agony.
A massive cut had appeared on my left eye. I start to panic and rush to the bathroom to wipe the wound clean. It hurts like a motherfucker, but I finish eventually. Luckily, my left eye is still functional and working as I slowly open it, but with the pain being too overbearing, I decide to keep it shut for now. I grab a towel from the bathroom sink and head towards my room to clean the mess that was prevalent on my floor. After an agonizing 15 minutes the cleaning is done and I close and make sure to lock my door from further intruders.
I pulled out what little medical equipment I had contained in a white little bag with a red cross on the front from a first aid training class a while back at the school and looked over what I had. Some gauze, medical tape, a square stack of cloths, and a little bottle of iodine.
“This is going to hurt like a bitch.” I said under my breath.
I grabbed what little medical supplies I had and unlocked the door to my room. I looked around to see if anyone was gonna bother me, and walked towards the bathroom, and locked myself in. I sit down on the cold hard floor and prepare myself for a world of hurt. With my hands shaking, I grab the iodine and damp the cloth with the yellow liquid. I take a deep breath in and hesitantly move the cloth to my cut.
As I put the cloth to my cut, the pain is unbearable. I scream and clench my fist so hard I thought my blood vessels were going to pop like bubble wrap. I quickly drop the cloth in shock and do some quick thinking to ease the pain. I look in the medicine cabinet for painkillers. Nothing.
“Great what fucking luck I have today.”
I grab a towel from the stand and tie it around my cheeks and head so I can at least ease a little bit of the pain. I sit back down and bring the cloth once again to my left eye. I start to dab my cut as I chomp on the towel as hard as I can, with tears streaming from both of my eyes I start hammering the concrete walls of the bathroom to relieve me from this hell. I scream and bite into the towel more and more as I continue to disinfect my eye. With the salted tears doing something for the cut at least, I hurriedly finish dabbing and disinfecting my eye.
What seems like an eternity finally comes to a halt, as my eye is now covered with a fragrant aroma of fear and pain, but cured and disinfected. I untie the cloth and slide down the concrete floor huffing and breathing heavily. The adrenaline pumping through me like I just finished a max rep at the weights.
I struggle to pack up the contents of the first aid kid due to my now prevalent similarity to arthritis however I manage. I use the sink to help carry me up as I stare at myself through the mirror. Sweating, a sore red eye, hair a mess, massive cut on my left eye surrounded by a splash of amber medicine, jaw and teeth with the strength of a baby. I just look and stare.
“I HATE IT HERE. I HATE IT HERE.” I scream to myself. I cry as the flow of tears drip into the sink. I want to punch the mirror, I want to get out of this place, “I want TO JUST PUT A FUCKING GUN TO MY HEAD AND-” I stop myself for a moment. I calm myself down as both my eyes burn from the acidity of sobbing I had created. I’m lucky, as if any of my parents were home, I most-likely wouldn’t be staring at the white sink, and instead staring down the barrel of David’s vexation.
I dry my tears with the toilet paper scrounging around and head to my room.
As I enter the room I can’t help but notice the moon glimmering over the now stained floorboard. A symbol of pain and agony, highlighted by the elegance and beauty of the night. What a weird combination, but yet so fitting. I kneel down and put back the medical supplies. I then stand up wearily and slump into my plastic chair and reach for my calculus textbook.
Even though I'm leaving quite abruptly, the school year for Japan normally starts in April as now is March. I don’t really mind the extra schooling, but it irks me a tiny bit. I would be starting the 10th grade, essentially the beginning of high school, which I was excited about.
I finish my work for the day and close the textbook. David should be home by now, but I didn’t care much. Mom was probably off dozing in her room considering the gunk she puts inside her. Kate’s probably out at a nightbar or stripclub, so looks like it’s just me.
I step outside of my room to admire and cherish the solitude I have been given. The quietness of my steps creaking against the floorboards, the dead silence around the room, only broken by the sound of the TV, the aroma of peace in such a warring time, all the little things to be appreciated. I took a deep breath of the place that is so easily forgotten to me, but as a new chapter starts, you reflect on how you got here, the cards dealt for you, and the cards you played on the poker table of life.
I shake myself out of the trance and head to my parents room. The room is dark, the bed isn’t made, clothes on the floor, food scattered around the tabletops and my mom nowhere to be seen. I avoid such nasty places and open my parent’s cabinets. With a creak the old, wooden storage swings open, revealing a dusty suitcase behind a couple boxes filled with trash. I move the boxes out of the way and grab the suitcase. As I closed the cabinet’s doors, I stepped back and felt my foot on something hard and like hair. I stumble to the side for a bit before kneeling down and opening the flap of the bed covers. I grab the item out of the darkness and illuminate it using the moon through the barred windows.
As I looked blankly, a noose glistened in the moonlight. The texture was rough and mangly, but quite dusty. “David or mom?” I thought as I examined the snare. It took a while but I managed to unwrap the noose to stop any ideas and placed it in the cabinet’s of my parents. “Always keep a way out.” I guessed
I walked outside and onto the creaking below, rolling the suitcase to the kitchen to give it a nice clean. After 10 minutes or so the suitcase didn’t look half as bad, sure the outside was clean and wholesome, but the inside was quite the mess. I rolled the suitcase into my room and closed the door. I packed my clothes, making sure to leave 1 set out, and other necessities I needed and wanted and zipped the suitcase. I grab a small lock out of the bag and place it between the 2 zippers. I stood the suitcase up and admired it. A brand new chance.
I went to take a shower in the bathroom to clean myself up. The gushing of the water helped ease and clean the wound on my left eye, as I also avoided using soap around that area of damage. I cleaned myself up and dried myself off. I went to my room, locked the door and put on a new set of clothes. I laid on my bed and put in my earbuds. I didn’t have to go to school tomorrow, nor did I want to to begin with. I just wanted 11PM to come right now so that I can fly away. Fittingly, I turned on one of my favorite classics, and disabled my alarm. I put my hands back and the blanket up tight.
“Mmhmm.” I said as I proceeded to quietly sing. “Fly me to the moon. Let me sing among those stars.” I wonder if I actually did have any vocal talent. Music teacher always said so, the glass award on my shelf said so, but then again, the drumming award also said I had talent. So did the basketball award I had won not long ago. And the baseball one, as well as the cooking award I won.
And... so did the mangly, coarse, rough brown noose in my parent’s cabinet. Wonder how I won that.
​
(a/n):
​
Hello there. Here is your guys's promised prologue's 3&4. I received some feedback and glad that you guys are enjoying it (presumably UwU). I look forward to our next contact where prologues 5&6 will take place, and conclude with #7. I hope you peeps will continue to enjoy my fanfics and works and I'll catch y'all later.

As I was typing my response to a recent question about the cost of boutonnieres, it occurred to me I wasn't addressing the question (at all), and maybe my ideas were better suited to their own list.
So, here are my ideas for alternative boutonnieres that either a) cost less than $15/item or b) are reusable enough that cost is less of a concern.
Most, but not all, require DIY.
If the Groom is into:
Fly fishing - medium size streamers or other flies.
Poker - a poker chip and a playing card.
Hunting - shotgun shell.
Beer - bottle caps on a safety pin a-la Ellie on UP.
Super heroes, dinosaurs, toy soldiers etc - glued to a safety pin.
Marathons/races of almost any kind - make mini (maybe half an index card) race bibs, with the year he met the groomsmen as #s, tape over with packing tape to laminate.
Skateboarding- those little mini finger boards that were so popular about 10 years ago, glued to a safety pin.
Hot wheels - glued to a large safety pin.
Travel - get personalized luggage tags, can be looped through the bout hole on a suit, and used again.
Race cars/NASCAetc. - make felt racing flags on larger safety pins.
Disney or Star Wars fanatics - those collectable enamel pins in the guy's favorite movie or an inside joke about resemblance to a character.
Comic books, reading, maps, music - paper flowers out of the above. Or out of any scrapbook paper.
Baseball cards - if you're artsy, draw (nice) caricatures of the groom as a baseball card, laminate with packing tape. If he won't be upset, baseball card and safety pin.
Video games - old game boy cartridges that are no longer usable? Mini controllers? Mini figurines?
Computer Geek - piece of broken circuit board, safety pin. Or keyboard keys.
Diving - seashells. Also good for a beach wedding.
Bicycling - mini bikes. Popped tube flowers, painted with a sealant. Or broken chain coils, again coated with a sealant.
Kindergarten or Pre-K teacher - those little letter magnets, painted in the wedding colors, with each persons initial.
Other ideas:
Search cupcake toppers on etsy for your desired theme. Then just either put them on safety or straight pins, or leave them on the toothpick.
Enamel pins could go a long way. Get everyone one that has meaning to a special memory with the groom, they can keep it after, its unobtrusive for regular wear, but will differentiate from guests.
Magnets in general - we have a whole collection on our fridge, and they could be worn simply by using a second strong magnet on the inside of the shirt. Might not be a long lasting option, but for the right theme it could work.
(And no, I didn't Google search before starting this list.)
What other ideas does everyone have? I would love to hear more!

Final update before the event. Sunday 30 December 2018
As of this morning it looks like the expected dishes will be, in no particular order;
Cupcakes Lasagna Cookies Cake Pops A variety of homemade dark chocolate with sea salt bark/fruits and nuts dipped in chocolate Crescent roll veggie pizza Hankey Pankies (I am really looking forward to these!) Potato chips Veggie or fruit tray Smoked chicken wings Eclair Pulled Pork BBQ
Drinks remain the same as previous and we will make sure to include a selection of sodas. Just a reminder that alcohol is allowed and is BYOB and we will have some to share as well. Wine, liquor and beer are always appreciated. We will be making a bourbon slush about a gallon of long island iced tea and around 400 jello shots!
The current count is 20.
I will be sending an email out this evening to everyone who RSVP'd, it will include the address, directions, parking information (there should be plenty) and anything else I think may be needed.
If you have not yet signed up or are not sure you want to feel free to wait, I will have my phone on me and anyone who signs up late will be sent the details email A.S.A.P.
Lots more details are in the email so make sure to RSVP for all of the important information.
We look forward to seeing everyone and meeting new folks!
Update the 1st Monday 24 December 2018
I figured it was time to let everyone know what others were bringing so that we could compare and contrast and those without a clue on what to bring might get some inspiration.
Our current count is 15, this includes those who RSVP'ed and some that we know have been here before that reached out and said they were in.
The following dishes do not overlap and are first choice items.
Cupcakes Lasagna Cookies Cake pops A variety of homemade dark chocolate with sea salt bark/fruits and nuts dipped in chocolate Crescent roll veggie pizza Lil Smokies Buffalo Chicken Dip Jalapeno poppers
Some folks have offered to bring games, we love games, feel free to bring them, we are meticulous about treating others games like gold so they are safe here.
A number of folks are bringing wine, sodas and apple cider, really looking forward to that. We will be making our hit bourbon slush, a few hundred jello shots and of course other drinks as well. This is a party after all!
Our 16-week old Puppy is looking forward to meeting everyone and has not stopped running around the house.
We will most likely have some Christmas cookies left over as well, we just did cookie baking day this Saturday and the house is currently filled with cookies for local charities and to give away as presents.
I will be sending an email out the night before the event to everyone who RSVP'd, it will include the address, directions, parking information (there should be plenty) and anything else I think may be needed.
The next update will be Sunday before I send out the email.
If you have questions, concerns, responses or ideas please do not hesitate to reach out to me via PM here on reddit or message me on Discord.
We look forward to ringing in the new year with you awesome folks1
Hello Cincinnati!
As many of you know I host the monthly subreddit potlucks, the Orphans Thanksgiving and weekly game nights at my house when time and life permits.
One thing we absolutely love to do is host when we are able to, we don't have much, but we like to share it when we can.
So, with that said I would like to invite you, fine folks, to ring in the New Year of 2019 together, here at my home in Fort Thomas!
We have done this now for 3 years in a row, this will be our 4th time doing this and we are looking forward to it once again!
Date. Monday, December 31st 2018
Time. Start: 6pm EST. End: Whenever the last person gets sick of sitting around playing cards and hanging out.
Location. flyingwolf and awwdra's house in Fort Thomas Kentucky. Direction, address, and details will be sent to those who RSVP.
Important Details.
This is a party! My wife's birthday is New Years and she loves to celebrate with friends new and old!
Unlike our standard potlucks and get-togethers, this one is adults only. Due to the celebratory nature of the event and the guarantee of alcohol consumption it is best for children to stay at home.
Pets are welcome if they are house and people trained. We have our own 16-week old puppy and she is a bit of a handful still as she learns her strength and manners. As such if your dog doesn't enjoy having a puppy constantly trying to play, it is best to leave them at home.
RSVP is required, please use the following link and fill out the google form. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1-l2qUfCToTGcX7NSLGE9lkvyeQJIV7Zcezq_nwApwpI/viewform
Emails and name are as always kept strictly confidential.
Foods can be anything you want, currently we plan on making lil-smokies, buffalo chicken dip and probably jalapeno poppers.
Alcohol is BYOB and we will have some to share as well. Wine, liquor, and beer are always appreciated. And we will be making jello shots. How many you ask? Well, last year it looked like this... That's about 200 of the 400 that we made. We like jello shots. Please feel to bring your own special concoction to share as well, we love trying new things!
There will be music and a TV showing the countdown and we always have a selection of card games available such as exploding kittens, cards against humanity, Unstable Unicorns and good old poker and anything that can be played with a couple of decks of cards.
We are outside the city but the internet is available and a guest network will be set up for use if your cell coverage is lacking. After all, what New Years would be complete without New Year's selfies!
We have plenty of space if you need to stay over, if you think you might, toss a blanket in your car, our couches are comfy and there is plenty of floor space for curling up on and having some good dreams.
We are very strict about safety, if you need it, ask, we will call an Uber for you no questions asked and help you get your car the next day. We want you to have fun, and we want you to be able to come back again.
With all of that said, come ready to party and have fun and be ready to meet new and interesting people and make friends.
I will keep this post updated often with the number of people coming and a list of foods/drinks being brought.
We look forward to seeing you all real soon!

Part One
What I waited for, drunk, in the dark, I am not entirely sure. A call from the cops? A call from Alex? The computer to burst into flames? Something. Around midnight, the phone finally rang. I looked away from the computer for the briefest second to reach over and answer it. I hesitated for a moment before looking at the phone to see who was delivering me the news that something bad had happened. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I would have sworn the computer screen I was staring at blinked. I mean, not on and off, but… like an eye. The red message was there, as always. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. Otherwise, it just looked like boring old Microsoft Word. Must have been a trick of the light.
My phone lit up and vibrated. The caller ID informed me it was Alex. Usually, I’d answer in a familiar, loving way, like “hey babe,” or something like that. In that moment, I wasn’t sure what to say to her. I didn’t even know how to answer my own phone, or if I even should. I’d also had a few hours to think about what I might have just caused. The first thing I kept coming back to was the idea that it was all an elaborate hoax. Ha, Ha, joke’s on Colin. Everyone can come out now. I can’t decide if it was hope, or denial. Probably more the latter. The second was that just twelve hours ago, I had kissed my girlfriend good-bye on her way to work, without the slightest inkling that anything was wrong in our relationship. I had loved her more than anyone, and underneath the hurt and betrayal, I still did (I think) – so why had I reacted so extremely? I could have done so many things, said so many things, to exact my revenge, but I had immediately wanted blood. Perhaps it was the empowerment of being able to hide behind a computer screen. We all do, and say, things we normally may not when we can hide behind the anonymity of a computer.
The last thing that had occurred to me during my drunk, dimly-lit reflections that night was that I could be losing my mind. I reviewed the situation in my head, and it went a little like this: I bought a laptop at a fraction of what it should have costed. Microsoft Word had addressed first Alex, then me, by our names. Somehow, instead of being unnerved, I was intrigued, and I registered the creepy software. I agreed to God knows what, because I didn’t even read it. Then, I told my computer that I wanted my girlfriend to get a raise, instead of questioning the very nature of what was happening. I forgot about it, and on a whim, I told my laptop I wanted to see my girlfriend. It pulled up a program that I had never seen before, and somehow, it found a camera at just the perfect angle to give me a porn cinematographer’s view of Alex and her General Manager getting it on. The computer TOLD ME that she had really wanted that raise. It…remembered. As a result of this, I continued the insanity by telling the computer to make my girlfriend commit murder, and just like that, I accepted whatever this was, and I expected it to happen. It sounded insane, even after beer number whatever the fuck number I was on. It crossed my mind that maybe I should tell my haunted computer ‘I WANT TO GET A CAT SCAN.’
I finally swiped the green phone icon to answer. “Hey,” I answered.
Alex was hysterical. She was crying, and trying to tell me something, but my mind was racing (she murdered Dan she was fucking Dan shemurderedDanshewasfuckingDanshefuckingmurderedDan) and she was breathing into the phone so hard I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Hearing her voice, and hearing her so upset, momentarily snapped me out of the alternating cycle of apathy and rage I had been feeling. It brought me back to reality, or at least, the version I had woken up to that morning, where I was in a healthy relationship, and there was no blood on her (my) hands.
“Hey, babe,” I said, momentarily losing the image of what she had done earlier, “you have to calm down. I can’t understand you. Are you okay?” Fuck, I thought. What have I done?
She sobbed, and sharply inhaled. “Colin,” she said. “Something happened tonight. I need you.” Well, ain’t that a cherry, I thought. “I – I don’t know…” Hitching sob. “I think I killed Sheila!” She wailed.
Sheila? Who the fuck’s Sheila? My blood ran cold and my stomach dropped. In between shaky breaths, she told me, “The cops are on the way here. I, um, I fell asleep, I guess, in the breakroom. I don’t even remember going in the breakroom, but I woke up there and I’m… The blood Colin, there is so much blood. It’s all over me, and Sheila’s dead. Her head….” She stopped talking, and began hyperventilating again.
“Calm down,” I said, trying to sound soothing. I was sobered by terror, guilt and confusion, and my thoughts were going a mile a minute. Alex murdered someone. She murdered someone who was not the guy she was fucking. I made her do this, somehow. It was my fault. She expected me to be there for her. Could I do it? I had to, didn’t I? Where was Dan? Who the fuck was Sheila?
She regained control of her breathing. “She – I – I guess,” she stammered, and I could hear approaching sirens through the phone, “hit her head. I did, I think, with a big glass vase,” she finished.
“Honey,” I said, trying to project calm and comforting to cover up the insanity I was feeling, “who is Sheila?”
This seemed to catch her off guard. “Don’t you remember? My boss. She’s the Department Manager.” She started to sob again. “She was retiring next week,” Alex cried. “We had a party for her and… the cupcakes…” I lost her to incoherent crying again. I heard voices through the phone, likely the police. I listened for a minute.
“….Dan Brasswell, General Manager. Thank you for coming, Officers.” I had been on the verge of asking her if she needed me to come be with her, and calling an Uber, or just driving the ten minutes up to the mall. I know, stupid, but my pickled brain wasn’t firing on all four cylinders. When I heard his voice, though, the voice that ruined my life, the voice that told her to get on her knees earlier as I voyeuristically watched through an unknown program on my computer, the floodgates broke. Everything I’d begun to question myself for feeling returned with a vengeance.
It was odd, sitting on the other end of the line and not knowing what to do. If I had never seen her and Dan, I know exactly how I would have reacted: as soon as I heard her crying like that. I would have been in my car before she became coherent. I would have rushed over to the store where she worked. But then again, if I had never seen any of the footage of her and Dan, none of this would be happening, would it? I also would have called her by now if I hadn’t heard from her, just to make sure everything was all right.
I still wanted to confront her about Dan, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Besides, I now had the blood of an innocent, middle-aged woman on my hands. I just sat on the other line and waited.
“…I found her like this,” I could hear Alex saying. “But I think I did it. I mean, my hands…. My clothes…”
“Ma’am. I need you to hang up the phone and come with…” Silence. I guess the cops made her hang up, or she just forgot I was there.
How could I have been so stupid? KILL HER BOSS, I had written. I had typed it without thinking. I could have said something like ‘I want her to kill Dan’ or ‘kill the guy she is fucking.’ I was angry, had a little alcohol in my bloodstream, and I had just… what, typed the first thing that popped into my mind? This wasn’t one of those angry social media posts, where you could just go back and delete the offending material when you sobered up, or apologize for pissing everyone off. I couldn’t delete this. I tried being mad at Alex. How can you kill the wrong person, you stupid… No, I think I’d had my fill of ‘Mad at Alex’ for one lifetime. That ship had loaded the fuck up and sailed. I turned to my laptop, sitting there and taunting me. I decided this was all the laptop’s fault.
I typed, ‘WHAT DID YOU DO YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER’.
Loading.
READ THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS.
I typed, ‘I WANTED HER TO KILL DAN, THE GENERAL MANAGER WHO WAS BONING MY GIRLFRIEND.’
Loading.
SYNTAX ERROR. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
I screamed. I got up and punched the wall. It felt good to break something. I could have taken another crack at the stupid computer, but it came out no worse for the wear last time I raged at it, so I hit the first thing I could find that I could actually damage.
With my throbbing hand, I typed ‘WHAT ARE YOU?’
No loading this time. ‘DJINN.’
Now shaking from rage, the pain in my hand, and probably a little alcohol-soaked fear, I pulled up Google. I was pretty sure what I would find, but I needed to confirm it.
‘DJINN.’ I hit enter.
An Islamic or Arabic term which has been anglicized to ‘genie.’ I had a fucking genie in my computer, using Microsoft Word as a… magic lamp? Why couldn’t it be more like the blue one, voiced by Robin Williams, in that Aladdin cartoon from the 90’s? I laughed. Hard. Nothing about this was funny, but I was losing it. A ‘Word Genie’? Wasn’t that a shitty app that was being advertised on another shitty app I had? I could imagine the tech support call to Microsoft, too: ‘My copy of your product is possessed by an ancient Arabic demon, and it isn’t granting my wishes correctly. No, I didn’t rub it three times counter-clockwise… Yea, I can hold…’ I howled with deranged laughter as this played out in my mind. They would transfer me around from department to department in vain hope of finding a supervisor to deal with Aladdin and his genie.
At some point, the laughter turned to tears. I hate crying, but the situation warranted it. Fuck it. I typed, ‘DO I GET A THIRD WISH?’
READ THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS.
Of course. What else could I do? I’ll admit it, ‘punch the wall with the other hand’ crossed my mind, but instead I clicked the link. I scrolled through the usual garbage of an EULA, indemnity clause, legal uses, privacy, etc. Then, I noticed the writing in the middle of the last paragraph.
هو الذي يوقظ الجن يكون له الدم والذهب والمتعهبات الجسدية التي يسعى إليها. حذر من أن لا السعادة قد تأتي من أي وقت مضى من منح الرغبة أبدا يعني أن يكون. مقاومة القوة التي يمكن أن تجلب رغباتك، وجميع يجب أن يكون جيدا. هو الذي يسيطر على الجن لا يجد إلا الخراب والعذاب.
I copied and pasted it into Google translate. It translated to something like this: He who awakens the djinn shall have the blood, gold, and physical pursuits he seeks. Be warned that no happiness may ever come from giving desire [sic] never meant to be. Resist power that can bring your desires, and all must be good. He who controls the jinn finds nothing but ruin and torment.
I’ll be damned, I thought. I suppose I already am. I went back to the Word Djinn, and typed ‘MAKE THE COPS BLAME DAN FOR SHEILA’S MURDER’
Loading.
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
Well, it didn’t say anything about three wishes, I thought. At least I may have saved Alex some time in jail. I could have just let her rot in there. I considered it, I really did. I also considered trying to make the djinn undo all of this black magic, and that is what I should have done. But I wasn’t finished with Alex yet. Not after she betrayed me like that. I closed the top on the laptop, went into my room, and somehow, I slept.
I woke up a few hours later with cotton mouth from hell and a dull throb in my head. I felt dizzy, and I had to piss. I stumbled into the bathroom to relieve myself and find some aspirin, and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I made my way out there. It was Alex, sitting at the table. Her hands were folded and her head was down. She had wet hair, wrapped in a towel, and wore a robe. How long had she been home? The sun hadn’t come up yet, but the sky had taken on the infected, inner-city glow of predawn, casting an eerie dull light into the room. The laptop! I thought. What if she knows what I did? What if it tells her? What if she uses it on me? This was all pure paranoia, but I darted out like a crazy person and sat protectively in front of my laptop.
“What are you doing?” I asked, far too sharply than the situation warranted.
My startlingly douchey tone surprised her out of her reverie, and if looks could kill, I’d have dropped dead on the spot. Before she could start in on me, I corrected myself.
“I’m sorry. I am still half asleep. What I meant was, what happened? Are you okay?”
Her expression softened a bit, but she accusingly said, “you didn’t come.”
“I…” I really had nothing there. I was drunk, I shouldn’t have been driving, I accidentally caught an eyeful of you and Dan doing the nasty… Nope, these were all instant strike-outs. “I fell asleep,” I said stupidly. “I was tired.”
She eyed the trashcan. The top layer consisted solely of beer cans, and one looked like it might fall off the top of the pile, as though it were trying to prove a point. “Tired and a little drunk,” I admitted. Why didn’t I take the upper hand in the situation? I had her. At this point, it wouldn’t have mattered if I was having a cocaine-fueled orgy with the two hot undergrads downstairs, because I knew what she was doing, and here I was, making excuses for having a few beers. “I didn’t want to get in the way, anyway. You never called me back, and where would I have gone? I couldn’t have driven myself, half-cocked, to the police station.”
She didn’t have a response to that. “Do you know why I am home?”
I had an idea. “I’m not even sure what happened. Do you want to tell me?”
“We were – I remember being in the back room, taking inventory,” she began. Had she always been a bad liar, or was I just blind? “And, I remember that I was going to take a break. That’s all I can remember. As hard as I try, I can’t remember going into the break room. I usually step outside, to call you, or sneak a smoke. I woke up in the break room, on the floor. My shift was over. There was a vase in my hand, one of the big, glass ones, and I was covered in blood. The vase –“ She inhaled sharply, then continued, “there was gore on the vase, and Sheila had been…. Sheila was attacked. I crawled over to see if she had a pulse. She didn’t. I screamed. Dan came.” I’ll bet, I thought darkly. “He called the cops.”
“Then you called me?” I asked.
“No,” she began cautiously. “Then Dan started to question me. He almost acted like he thought I did it,” she said.
“I know that you wouldn’t,” I told her slowly, “but is there a reason that he would think otherwise? Dan is your” lover fuckboy “General Manager, right? How often do you talk to him? When I was a manager in college, I didn’t know all of the people I managed that well. If one of them came to me, covered in – well, in the state you described, I think it would be the rational assumption.”
She paused, clearly not knowing what to say. I hate to admit that I was fucking with her, even after all she’d been through, but I was, and I was enjoying it.
“What happened next?” I asked.
“The cops came. They questioned us. Me, Dan, Angie and Marlena, the two floor clerks that were working. They questioned us separately. I was sure I’d need you to post bail – but when they were done, they told me to come home and get some sleep. It’s almost like they had another suspect,” she concluded. She looked at her phone, swiping the screen and scrolling, then clicking it back off again.
“Who do they think did it?” I asked. I was getting better at this. Maybe I should try Vegas with that poker face.
“I don’t know,” she said, checking her phone again. She was probably waiting to hear from Dan the Man.
“Why don’t you get some sleep?” I suggested. I went to the medicine cabinet and dug around. In the back, I had a three-year-old bottle with two 0.5 milligram alprazolam (Xanax) in it that I held on to in case I needed it. “I have a Xanax if you need it.”
She readily accepted it, even after I told her she would probably be fine with half. “I’ll be right behind you.”
She thanked me and went into the bedroom. I’m assuming that she passed out, but I didn’t care. I opened up the laptop.
YOU CAN STILL STOP THIS, COLIN.
“Maybe I don’t want to,” I said, feeling childishly indignant.
‘I WANT REVENGE ON THE PERSON OR ENTITY RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS.’ I hit enter.
ERROR: CIRCULAR REFERENCE.
“Did you just make a joke?” I asked darkly, “Or are you now the Excel Genie?”
I slammed it shut, and went to lay down on the couch. No way would I be sharing a bed with Alex.
Part 3